


Let The Good (And The Bad) Times Roll

by magicalunicorn000



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roller Derby, Bisexual Disaster, F/F, New York City, Roller Derby, Rollerblades & Rollerskates, Slow Burn, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalunicorn000/pseuds/magicalunicorn000
Summary: Tori Vega moves to New York City to get away from some painful memories in LA. But will New York and especially this new pushy goth skater girl just bring her more of the same? Victorious Roller Derby AU. JORI.
Relationships: Tori Vega & Jade West, Tori Vega/Jade West
Comments: 70
Kudos: 124





	1. Rules and Regulations of Roller Derby

**Author's Note:**

> For any questions about the rules of roller derby, please refer to the Preface/Chapter 1 where I will put rules and regulations and terms relevant to this story. If there are questions I don't answer, always feel free to review!

PREFACE

Roller Derby Terms and Things to Know

Here in this preface I will write down some of the basic information you need to know about roller derby in order to better understand this story. I am just incorporating information that will likely not be explained in the story. There is definitely more to roller derby than in below, but I hope to explain those things through exposition. 

Alright so, the basics, here we go.

The positions:

Jammer (Star on helmet cover): Only player that can score points. Does so by getting past blockers and lapping lapping them. For each opposing blocker the jammer passes, they earn a point for their team. 

Blocker (plain or no helmet cover): Attempts to prevent the opposing team’s jammer from passing them while also helping their own blocker get past. This can be done using legal body contact, changing positions, and other tactics. They are simultaneously offense and defense.

Pivot (stripe on helmet cover): A blocker who can be converted into a jammer if a “star pass” move is correctly performed. The jammer must correctly transfer their helmet cover to the pivot in order to complete a successful star pass. The pivot is typically the most experienced player on a team and is responsible for strategizing during game play. They can also set the pace of a game.

The Game:

Essentially, a game of roller derby consists of a series of short scrimmages/plays called jams.

Both teams designate a jammer (star helmet) and four blockers (one of which is a pivot). 

The jammer scores points by lapping members of the opposing team. The blockers attempt to hinder the opposing jammer while assisting their own jammer.

There are two thirty minute long halves of the game as a whole, but the game is really divided by these jams.

A jam begins with the two jammers on “the jammer line”. Blockers line up on the track anywhere between the "jammer line" and the "pivot line", which is 30 feet in front of the jammer line. The strategy of how blockers line up for each team is usually determined by the pivot.

After a short whistle blast from a referee, the jammers are allowed to skate forward and attempt to break through “the pack” of blockers.

Blockers must maintain the pack while also helping their jammer and hindering the other teams jammer. Blockers can only skate freely within 20 feet behind and ahead of the main pack. This area is known as the "engagement zone”.

The first jammer to break through the pack earns the status of "lead jammer". A referee blows the whistle twice, skates near and points at the lead jammer. Once a jammer earns the lead status, they cannot transfer it to other skaters. If the lead jammer is sent to the penalty box for some reason, they lose lead status. 

The lead jammer after they break through the pack for the first time does not score any points. The way they score points is by speed skating around the track and passing through the pack another time. The jammer scores one point for each blocker on the opposite team they overlap.

The lead jammer can also stop the jam at any time by repeatedly placing both hands on their hips. If the jam is not stopped early, it ends after two minutes. A jammer may end the jam early to prevent the opposing jammer from scoring additional points.

The blockers may either block a skater to impede their movement or force them out of bounds. The blocker must be upright, skating counterclockwise, in bounds, and within the engagement zone in order to not be penalized. Blocking with hands, elbows, head, and feet is prohibited, as is contact above the shoulders or below mid-thigh, and blocking/grabbing from behind.

A player that receives a penalty is forced to sit off sides in a penalty box for 30 seconds of jam time. If the jam ends during this penalty interval, the player remains in the penalty box during the subsequent jam until the 30 seconds is paid. The penalized player's team plays short-handed, and cannot substitute a player.

A "power jam" occurs when a jammer is penalized, allowing the opposing jammer to score without fear of other team also scoring. If the lead jammer is penalized, no one can prematurely end the jam.

A jammer is released from the penalty box early if the opponents' jammer also enters the box. The second jammer's penalty is then only as long as the amount of time the first jammer spent in the box. A player "fouls out" of the game after their seventh penalty, and can no longer play the rest of the game.

Strategy:

The strategy for a jam is not to score a lot of points but to outscore the opposition. This is why it is good to be the lead jammer because it gives you the power to score and then prevent your opponent from scoring.

The jammer for a team may "pass the star" (also called performing a "star pass") to the pivot. Essentially the jammer hands their helmet cover with the star to the pivot, which then turns the pivot into the jammer. Passing the star does not nullify any points already earned by ex-jammer. A jammer might pass the star because of fatigue, injury, or because the pivot is in a better position to score. Passing the star is also sometimes referred to as "passing the panty", as helmet covers are sometimes known as "panties".

Everything else I hope I can explain clearly in the story! Feel free to review with questions about the rules and/or the story if I am not making sense at any point. I have never written a sports story before so I hope I can do this well.


	2. New City, New sTori

“This is a disaster!" Jade exclaimed as she sat down heavily at a table overlooking the roller rink, starting to untie the skates on her feet. "How inconsiderate can a person be?"

"It's not Kate's fault!" A small red-headed woman moved to sit carefully across from the angry one. "She found out she's pregnant and doesn't want to risk the safety of the baby."

"Well, she should have kept her legs closed!" Jade harrumphed, taking a swig of her water and kicking off her skates.

"She's been trying to get pregnant for two years now, she's happy."

"Well, that makes one of us!" Jade shouted.

"Come on, Jade. We can find another jammer." 

"You don't just find another jammer, Cat." Jade sighed. "Not a national championship-winning jammer. Especially not two months before said national championship!"

Cat whimpered at Jade’s meager outlook, twisting one of her red velvet locks of hair between her index and thumb fingers. "Then do we have to forfeit? Our next match is in two weeks. We can't play without a full roster. And especially not without a semi-competent jammer."

Another girl, tall and lanky, with dirty blonde hair and bruises up and down her legs skates up and sits in the empty seat next to Jade. "I might able to help.”

“Really! How?" Cat looked up hopefully.

"I know a girl." The blonde began. "My old college roommate just moved to the city. She used to be the jammer for the Hollywood Harpies Roller Derby team."

"The team that beat the Dallas Derby Girls at Nationals last year?" Jade looked up suddenly.

"Yep."

"Is she the jammer that did the miracle whip pass at the last minute and won the game for them?” 

"That's her."

“Mia! Why are you only telling me about this girl now?" Jade accused.

"Well-" The blonde bit her lip. "She might not agree to join. She is technically retired."

"Good god, Mi. Retired? Why?" Jade prodded.

Mia looked suddenly uncomfortable. "It's not really my place to say. It was for personal reasons, though, not physical. She's not injured or anything. So there may be some hope to recruit her."

"Well, call her up, convince her somehow. Tell her we are in a pinch." Jade ordered.

"I can try, but- look she's been through a lot in the past few months, I don't know if-"

"Why would you bring this girl up if you aren't sure about her?" Jade acused. 

"Because, even though it's a long shot, she's our best shot at making it to the championships. We need an experienced jammer. She's that." Mia explained. "She's good, Jade. Better than Kate was if we are honest."

"Alright. If she's our best shot, then we are pulling out the big guns. I'm coming with you to recruit this girl in person as soon as possible." Jade decided. "And we are not taking no for an answer."

—————

Across town, Tori Vega was unlocking the door to her new apartment. 

It was cute. Small, but just the right size for Tori. It was actually quite the steal for a New York City apartment. A rent-controlled building on the upper west side. Two blocks from Central Park and the nearest subway station, and only a short commute to work at her new job.

Tori hefted her oversized duffel bag over her shoulder and grabbed the handle of her roller bag, bringing them both into the middle of her new living room. 

All she had brought from her old place was in those two bags. Everything else she had packed away into storage, or given away. The memories they held were too painful to bring into what would be her new start.

"I guess I should have bought some furniture before flying out." Tori sighed, looking around at the very empty apartment.

A knock on the front door distracted Tori from her inspection of the space.

She walked over to the door, confused as to who would possibly be knocking, but when she opened it a kind and tired looking delivery man smiled politely back at her. 

"Tori Vega?" He questioned.

"Yes, that's me." 

"I have a large delivery for you from a Ms. Trina Vega. Sign here, please." The man explained, handing her a pen and clipboard.

"Large?" Tori blinked. "How large?"

"We've got a full bedroom furniture set, living room furniture set, kitchen and bathroom essentials and general home decor.”

"I- excuse me?"

"Yeah, all from Pottery Barn, Anthropologie, and Restoration Warehouse.” The man nodded.

"I'm sorry, did you essentially just say my sister furnished my entire apartment?"

"Yes, ma'am. Oh, and here's a letter from her as well." The man handed over a white envelope. 

Tori opened it up and inside was a handwritten message from her sister.

Tori,

I hope I'm not overstepping, but I honestly am not good at this whole grief counseling thing, so I figured I would help you in a way I actually knew how. 

I assume you would rather spend time exploring New York City rather than worrying about finding a duvet cover to match your curtains. And with everything that's happened, I just want you to focus on making yourself happy again.

Perks of having an interior designer as a sister, I will surprise you by designing your whole apartment.

Anyways, I hope you're okay, Tori. Know you can call me if you need anything. I hate to admit it, but I kinda miss you already.

Have fun in the Big Apple.

Love,

Trina 

Tori wiped away a few unintentional tears at her sister's kindness. She had to admit, interior design was never her forte, so this was the best possible gift her sister could giver her.

In her haste to read the letter, Tori had forgotten about the delivery man, who was now shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot in front of her.

"Oh, god I'm sorry!” She wiped the corners of her eyes again. “Please, um, bring everything inside. I can help you start unpacking and-."

"No, no.” The man interrupted. “There’s no need to worry about that, Miss. We have been paid to move, unpack, assemble, and decorate everything."

“You’re going to do everything?”

“Yes.”

“I-“ Tori really couldn’t find a reason to stop them from doing the job they were paid to do, and besides she definitely didn’t want to do it herself. “O-Okay, thank you." She smiled warmly. 

The man hesitantly pulled a tissue from his lapel and handed it to Tori. "I'll get my guys to start on everything. Everything is outside now so we will start bringing it up."

"Thank you again!”

The man smiled and the turned to go back downstairs. Meanwhile, Tori pulled out her phone and dialed up her sister.

After a few rings, she heard Trina's familiar voice project through the speaker. "Hey Tori."

"Hi." Tori smiled at the sound of her sister's voice. 

"I take it you got my gift?" Trina asked.

"Trina, this is too much, I-"

"Stop! It's not too much, it's not even enough, Tori." 

"Let me at least pay you for-"

"Nope. If you even try to send me money, I will fly to New York and slap you. Hard."

"Trina-"

"Consider it payback for all the clothes I’ve stolen from you throughout the years.”

“That definitely doesn’t add up.”

“Look, Tori. Like I said in the letter, I'm not good with grief stuff, or at the whole 'comforting a person in their time of need' thing.” Trina sighed. “I- I always say the wrong thing. And then I get frustrated with myself for not saying the right things, and I get angry and take it out on the wrong people. But I can show you how much I care about you and how much I’m thinking about you with this gesture, okay? Don't take this away from me.“

Tori was silent for a minute before replying with a soft, “Okay."

Trina was silent for a moment on the opposite line, obviously uncomfortable with the emotional conversation. “So, how is the apartment? Isn't the view nice?"

"How do you know what my view is?"

"Well, I had to take measurements of the apartment, so I didn't accidentally buy you a monster couch that wouldn't fit through your door."

"How did you get measurements?"

"I've got friends everywhere, Tor. I had my guy in New York scope out the place, take pictures of the space and get measurements for me.”

"You're unbelievable. In the best way possible."

"Thanks, I know." Trina went quiet for another moment. "So, how are you doing?"

Tori watched as the men brought a large light blue couch into her apartment. "I- I don't know. I think it's really hitting me that I'm really alone now. When I was walking around the apartment, and it was all empty- I just-“ Tori sighed. “I miss her."

"I know.” Trina sympathized. “I'm sorry."

"Yeah.”

"Maybe you should get a cat or something."

"Trina-"

"I'm serious. Animals can be great when you're lonely."

"I'm allergic, remember?" Tori laughed at her sister.

"Oh, right. A dog then? Or a rabbit? Maybe a lizard."

"You know, I think I'm just going to focus on taking care of myself for now,"

"That's fair." Trina agreed. "But if you do need company, I'll hop on a plane real quick. It's only a six-hour flight from LA to New York."

"I might take you up on that." Tori squeezed herself against the wall as the men brought by a very comfortable looking queen-sized mattress.

"Anytime. Oh, and by the way, these guys are with my company. You can trust them. So if you wanna leave them a spare key and go explore the city while they set up, do it."

"You're the best, Trina."

"Don't I know it?"

Tori laughed and rolled her eyes. "Alright, well, thanks again, Trina. This really means a lot."

"If you don't like anything, which is a slim chance cause I know what you like, just call Roderick."

"He's still your assistant? I thought he was promoted?"

"He was. I convinced him to stay on this special project for me, though. Couldn't trust anyone else."

"Thanks, Trina."

"Anytime. I love you, Tori."

"I love you too.” Tori smiled. “Bye, Trina.” 

Tori pressed the end call button and decided to take Trina up on her offer and leave a spare key with the men. She would really only be in their way at this point anyways. And Tori hated stepping on people's toes.

So she grabbed her purse and a pair of sunglasses and headed out to explore her new city.

She walked for a while along ninth avenue, admiring the fact that the city was much more lively than LA. People seemed to be constantly on the move, heading to important places with important people. Or at least they acted like it.

The streets were also filled with a multitude of delicious smells. One minute Tori would smell bread taken straight out of the oven from a quaint bakery on the corner, the next minute the smell of perfectly barbecue chicken would waft through her nostrils.

Her stomach finally got the best of her and she wanders into a beautifully decorated Thai restaurant and orders the best Tom Kha Kai she had ever tasted. Leaving the restaurant full and satisfied, Tori thought that she could definitely get used to a city with so much to offer in the ways of food.

And the people were pretty cool too. Aside from the occasional deranged homeless man yelling racial slurs and the shameless men ogling and cat calling her.

What Tori liked about New York was that there were people everywhere. People of all kinds of shapes and sizes and backgrounds. And being surrounded by so many different people walking different paths and headed in different directions made her acutely aware that each person around her was leading an entirely different life. And she could imagine each individual’s different life as she walked the streets. It made it hard to feel alone when she walked the streets of New York City. And Tori loved that, as lately all she could feel was alone.

Her elated mood was derailed quickly, however, when she spotted a sign that brought back floods of painful memories.

Ninth Avenue Roller Rink: Home of the Meanhattan Derby Girls

She doesn't know what powerful force overcomes her at that moment, but before she can stop herself, Tori is inside the building, her feet seemingly having taken on a mind of their own.

The inside is bigger than Tori would have thought. 

A large deck with plenty of metal tables and chairs, and pink plastic-covered couches, surrounds a wooden roller rink lined with glass barriers. 

The rink is lower in the ground, about eight feet below the deck so that people can safely watch the skaters from above.

Pink and purple lights stream from the ceiling, illuminating the smooth wood of the roller rink. The rink itself has a pink outer circle, complete with the markings for a roller derby rink. The beige inner circle, where referees watch the game and beginner skaters practice, has the head of a black pitbull painted in the middle of it, with the words "Meanhattan Derby Girls" painted in hot pink letters underneath.

Tori wanders further to get a closer look, when a voice cuts in a few feet to her left.

"Hey." The smooth female voice calls.

Tori turns to see a woman behind the skate rental counter looking expectantly back in her direction. 

She’s quite stunning, in Tori's modest opinion. 

She must be around Tori’s age. Her thick black hair is tied back into a high ponytail, and Tori notices streaks of hot pink color accenting her jet black waves. Her features are sharp and very beautiful. She has intricately designed tattoos all up her right arm, and silver piercings through her left eyebrow and right outer nostril. Her eyeliner is winged perfectly in a cat’s eye, and Tori can't help but marvel a bit at her until the woman shakes her from her thoughts again.

"Did you need some skates?" She asks.

"Sorry?" Tori moves closer to the counter.

"Skates. You know, to skate with?” She teases. “You’re aware you're in a roller rink, right?" 

"I-"

The woman leans over the counter, appearing to analyze Tori's feet. "6.5 US?" 

"I- um - yes, how did you-"Tori blinked in shock.

"It's a gift." The woman sighed, seeming disinterested as she goes to grab a pair of electric blue skates from the shelf behind her. 

Without thinking, Tori shouts out, “Actually, do you have any VNLA brand?"

The woman quirks her pierced eyebrow in Tori's direction. "Of course we do.” She scoffs. “But why do you want those?"

Tori shrugged as if it were obvious. "They're the best."

"That's debatable." The woman countered, leaning casually against the shelf behind her.

"Okay then, what would you say is the best brand of skate?" Tori challenged.

"Depends on why you're skating."

"Fair point." 

"So, why do you skate?" The black-haired girl looked her up and down, apparently trying to get a read on her.

Tori swallowed suddenly. A memory flashed before her eyes. 

Warm hazel eyes. A soft smile and even softer skin. Long chocolate colored curls that Tori loved to run her fingers through.

"I'm waiting." The woman prodded with a smirk, interrupting Tori's thoughts once again. “The VNLA's we have are top of the line. ABEC 9's. They're only for advanced skaters."

As her attention returned to the woman behind the counter, Tori noticed the woman’s steely blue-grey eyes looking at her with intrigue. “You know what, forget I asked.” Tori shook her head. “I don't want to skate, I don't even know why I came here." She quickly turned on her heel to head for the exit.

"Tori?" A different yet familiar voice called.

Tori looked up to spot the familiar face of one of her old college roommates. 

“Mia!” Tori exclaimed.

Mia skated over quickly, running right into Tori’s arms and almost knocking her over with the force of her embrace. "Oh my god, it's been too long."

"It has." Tori agreed, melting into the familiar embrace of her old friend.

Mia finally broke away from their hug and gave Tori a look up and down. "You look good. Are you here to skate?”

"No, no." Tori shook her head. "I just-“ She sighed. “I don't know why I'm here, actually."

"Well, it's convenient you are actually. I was just telling Jade about you at practice earlier." Mia babbled.

"Jade?"

"That would be me." The dark haired woman behind the counter did a curt wave, looking between Tori and Mia.

"We were going to come visit you once you got settled in." Mia continued. "We have a proposition for you. Now that you're here, we may as well ask." 

“Mi, "Jade cut in, "is now really the time to-"

"Would you be our jammer? For the Meanhattan Derby Girls?" Mia was practically jumping up and down at this point.

Tori did everything in her power to hold back the tears she knew were coming. "That's not a good idea."

"What? Why not?" Mia pouted. "Tor, you're one of the best jammers in the country, and we are desperate. We just lost our best to maternity leave. And to be frank, you would actually be a major upgrade. We could-"

"No!" Tori suddenly shouted much louder than anticipated. "I don't- I can't skate anymore, Mia. You of all people should know why."

"Tori, Hannah wouldn't-"

"Don't! Please don't say her name." Tori cut her off, tears welling in her eyes. "I mean it. I don't skate anymore. So don't ask me again.” 

Both Mia and Jade now looked at Tori, in shock at her sudden outburst. 

Tori tried to collect herself as she spoke again. “If you want to come around and talk about literally anything else, you're always welcome. But never talk to me about derby, ever again." She removed her friend’s hand from her shoulder and quickly made her way out of the building.

—————

Jade harrumphed behind the counter. "Well. That went well. Great suggestion, Mi.”

Mia skated over to the counter where Jade was now polishing an old pair of Moxi skates. "I didn't expect her to react so negatively."

"Why did she?" Jade asked quietly.

Mia’s face immediately paled. "I- it's not really my place to say."

"You keep saying that.” Jade groaned. “If it's not your place to say, then we are going to Tori's and getting her to say. And then we are getting her to be our jammer. Because there is no way in hell I am sending you in as our jammer. You'll get us all mauled out there."

"No argument." Mia replied darkly.

"Okay, then set it up." 

"But she said-"

“Mia! Do you want to get pummeled by the Brooklyn Beaters in two weeks?" 

"No."

"Then set it up."

Mia huffed in annoyance and then began skating away. 

"And don't give me attitude! I'm your captain." Jade called behind her. 

She was rewarded with a loving middle finger directed at her.

When Jade was alone again, she thought back on the brunette who had stormed away not even five minutes ago.

So that was Tori Vega.

She couldn’t believe the woman she had just met was the jammer that had Jade practically falling off the edge of her seat last year as she watched the National Roller Derby Championships. 

Jade had watched as Tori practically barreled her way through the pack of blockers with only two minutes left in the last half as her team was two points down. 

She was magnificent, almost surreal, Jade recalls. She remembers as the camera panned into Tori’s face Jade had shivers run down her spine at the look of pure determination on Tori’s face. You could see the exact moment in which she decided she would not lose.

And then Tori went on to break through the pack, become the lead jammer, and loop around the track once again just to breeze through the pack and overlap everyone, earning her team the four points needed to claim victory. All in little over a minute.

Jade swore at that moment that she would have Tori on her team. 

And it had everything to do with her skills as a jammer, and nothing to do with her incredibly shaped cheekbones.

Or at least that's what Jade told herself so she could sleep at night.


	3. Lamp Under A Bushel

Tori was just throwing on a clean t-shirt when she heard the buzzer signifying someone waiting at the front door of her building.

She pressed her finger over the intercom and spoke in, “come on up!” Then pressed the buzzer to unlock the front door.

She was expecting an order of General Tso’s chicken, spicy beef and broccoli, chow mein, and pineapple fried rice. She assumed the person who rang was the person delivering it.

Tori may have been going a little overboard with New York City’s plethora of food options. But everything was new to her, and Tori wanted to take advantage of the few days she had before her job started and find places with food she really liked for future reference.

The knock resounding on her door brought an excited glimmer to her eyes. She opened the door quickly, not looking up as she began grabbing her purse to tip the supposed delivery person. 

But when she noticed who was really at her door, her smile quickly disappeared.

“If you’re here to talk derby, I’m not talking.” She huffed, throwing her purse back down on the accent table.

Mia and Jade stood there and looked back at her, Mia with a guilty expression and Jade with a nonchalant one emphasized by the raise of her studded brow.

“We’re not. We brought housewarming gifts.” Mia piped up.

“Uh Huh.” Tori sighed. “And that’s it?”

“Look, we just thought-“

“Ahem.” Jade coughed.

“Okay, I just thought you could use some friends in the city. You and I already are familiar, but I think Jade and you have a lot in common too.” Mia explained. “So we are here as friends. Not as recruiters.”

“I haven’t agreed to this whole friend concept yet.” Jade interrupted. “But, you can be on trial for now.”

Tori looked at them both apprehensively, definitely suspecting they were here for more than just her friendship.

Mia rifled through her bag for a minute before pulling out a plastic CVS bag. “We brought red vines!”

Tori immediately brightened as she grabbed the bag with candy from her friend. “You should have led with that.”

Mia bit her lip. “So, we can come in?”

“Fine. But no derby talk.” Tori stood aside to let them inside.

“You’re the only one who has even said that word.” Mia argued.

“Then let’s keep it that way.” Tori arches her eyebrow as if to challenge them.

“Nice place.” Jade marveled as she looked around. 

The apartment was very warmly decorated, in hues of soft yellow with the occasional pop of turquoise here and there. Nature photographs adorned the walls.

“Big fan of trees, are you?” Jade joked.

“I’m an environmental scientist, so I guess you could say that.” Tori shrugged.

“Really? What type of work do you do?”

“Clean energy planning mostly. I just got a job as a consultant at TRC.”

“Ah, so you want New York to be completely solar and sustainable or some other pipe dream like that.”

“It’s not a pipe dream to save the environment. And no, not just solar power.” Tori shot back. 

“Have you seen New York? We don’t do clean. I have seen a rat literally eat a dog’s puke right in front of me and then run into a subway station. Why would we do clean energy? Besides, there’s way too much corporate greed for fossil fuels here.”

“You’re a very pleasant person, aren’t you?” Tori crossed her arms.

“I’m a very honest person.” Jade countered.

“No kidding.” Tori scoffed. “And as for me, if you can be honest, I can be hopeful. I’m not giving up on this planet. I think there is still hope to at least slow down global warming, and I think helping New York switch to clean energy would be a great and plausible step in the right direction.”

Jade looked at Tori skeptically. “Well, good luck with that.”

An awkward silence ensued before Mia spoke up nervously. “Well, see? You guys have so much to talk about! Right?” She laughed nervously.

Tori and Jade just looked at her as if she had lost her mind.

Luckily the sound of Tori’s door buzzer gave them a distraction.

Tori buzzed the person in, this time sure it was her food delivery.

“Who’s that?” Mia moved to sit on the couch as Jade continued to look around the apartment.

“General Tso.” Tori retorted playfully.

“Where did you order from?” Jade inquired.

“Decoy.” 

“Oh, I love Decoy!” Mia piped up.

“Well, you guys are free to have some. I probably bought enough to feed a family of four.”

Tori opened the door as she heard a knock and gratefully took the food and handed the delivery woman a nice tip. She brought the food to the coffee table and began to lay it out. 

“Jesus.” Jade marveled. “How many orders of rice did you get?” 

“I had a coupon.” Tori shrugged.

“For five bowls of fried rice?”

“I had a lot of coupons. I thought I could save some food for lunches when my job starts.”

Jade laughed. “You really are an optimist. Thinking Decoy would be good for more than a day.”

“You’ve tried it?” Tori inquired the woman teasing her. 

“It’s some of the best around, but it does not save well. Probably cause they don’t use all those fake preservatives like other places.”

“Good to know.”

“You know what place is great?” Mia sighed dreamily. “Mission on Broadway.”

“Eh, overrated for me.” Jade shrugged. “I like those little hole in the wall places no one knows about. Like, Sakugara has the best Japanese food.”

“Ooh yeah.” Mia nodded.

“Sakugura?” Tori questioned.

“It’s this place in midtown,” Jade told her. “Underground bar beneath an office building. Best duck you’ve ever tasted. But I think what makes it so much better is knowing not many people have had it. The place is a hidden gem.”

“Did you say duck?” Tori grimaced.

“Don’t knock it ’til you try it.” Jade sang.

Tori looked at her with suspicion as Jade held her eye contact and smirked. Tori eventually looked away, shaking her head, and went to grab plates for all of them.

They ate and talked and even laughed together. Tori was enjoying their company until, of course, the inevitable subject arose.

An innocent conversation about whether the Jets or the Giants were the better New York football team had diverged into talking about the derby season. 

“I just can’t believe we are already so close to the champs.” Mia marveled.

“Not that we are ever going to make it now.” Jade hinted.

Tori could feel their attention shift to her and knew what was coming.

“Well if we could get a really good jam-“

“No.” Tori immediately shut down the conversation.

“We’re desperate, Tori.” Mia pleaded. “We just lost ours. And we are two months away from the champs. The chances of us finding another jammer with your sill level are slim.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but no.” Tori sighed. “I don’t skate anymore.”

“Don’t or can’t?” Jade challenged.

“Don’t.” Tori glared at her.

“Why not?” Jade asked the million-dollar question.

A soft, bubbly laugh cuts through Tori’s psyche.

“I just don’t.”

Jade rolled her eyes. “Great answer.”

“I also don’t have to explain myself to you. Besides, you should have backup jammers on your roster. I don’t see why you need me so bad.”

“Of course we have alternates and substitutes, but that’s exactly what they are- backups.” Jade spat. “We need a steady, reliable jammer. One who can get us through the especially hard blocks, and get us the points we need when we’re down.” 

“Well you are looking in the wrong direction because I don’t-“

“Don’t skate. Right.” Jade cut in. “Look. I know you don’t really know me all too well, but you do know I’m honest. I’ll tell it like it really is, no holds barred. And if I can just say, for you to not keep skating? It’s a crime. You’re good. Better than I care to admit. I watched you on national television last year skate one of the best jams I’ve ever seen in my life. You’re quick, you’re smart, and you’re not afraid to get your hands a little dirty. All qualities of a top-notch jammer.”

“Look, Jade, I appreciate-“

“I’m not finished.” Jade waved her off. “You not skating and not using your god-given ability is like if you didn’t use that weird brain of yours to solve global warming, or whatever it is you do. “

“Clean energy-“

“I wasn’t asking. I zone out when people talk nerdy.”

“It’s not nerdy-“

“This isn’t my point. My point is I hope you don’t go your whole life never skating again. Cause you’re good. And despite the fact you don’t know me, I did watch your entire season last year. I saw it in your eyes how much you love the sport. So don’t give up. Even if you don’t wanna join us on Ninth Ave, just-” Jade paused, taking a breath to collect herself. “I hope you still use your talents somewhere. Even if it is in one of those dumb recreation leagues for old geezers.”

Tori swallowed as Jade finished her speech. She felt as if Jade’s eyes were seeing right through her, and it made her shift in her seat uncomfortably.

“Well. I think I’ve said all I need to say.” Jade stood up suddenly, grabbing her purse and heading for the door. “Thanks for the food. Come on, Mia.” Jade didn’t wait for Mia to reply as she walked out Tori’s front door.

Tori simply watched as the woman walked away. 

Apparently, Mia was just as stunned by Jade’s speech. “Wow. I’ve never seen her so- genuine.”

“Is she always like that?” 

“Blunt? Yes. Encouraging and borderline nice? No.” Mia marveled.

“Mia!” Jade shouted from the hall. “If your ass isn’t out here in 10 seconds, I’m grabbing a cab without you!”

“That’s more like Jade.” Mia sighed. She leaned in to hug Tori. “I’ll see you around still I hope. You know where to find us if you change your mind, too.”

“I’m not changing my mind.” Tori walked her friend to the door, opening it for her, only to spot Jade leaning casually against the wall opposite her, inspecting her nails.

Her words echoed in her head, about wasting her talents.

And the words may have been a bit more convincing coming from someone like Jade.

There was no doubt in Tori’s mind why the team had chosen Jade as their captain. She was firm, honest, well-spoken, and knew exactly what buttons to push to get you moving.

And as Tori waved her goodbyes and shut the door behind her, she thought- just for a second- she might, in fact, be changing her mind.


	4. Hit The Deck

Once again, Tori stood inside the Ninth Avenue Roller Rink not knowing how in god’s name she had gotten there.

Recently, Tori had added a brisk morning jog to her daily routine. She usually went around the short running loop in Central Park, which was a little over 1.5 miles. However, today she had decided to run on the street, and somehow, against her conscious will, she had ended up in the exact place she was trying to avoid since Jade and Mia had visited her unexpectedly three days ago.

Jade had made some good points in her rant to Tori that night. 

Tori was a good skater. She wasn’t full of herself by any means, but she did know she had talent. She also loved the sense of community roller derby had given her throughout college and into her young adulthood. She loved her teammates from LA like they were her own family. 

She loved one in particular even more. And it was that particular one that was holding Tori back from skating ever again.

She wasn’t sure if she could ever skate again without seeing Hannah’s face and being reminded of the past. She felt she couldn’t skate again without being constantly, painfully reminded of the loss she had experienced.

But also, maybe Jade was right. Wouldn’t it be a waste to never skate again? 

She didn’t have to necessarily join the Meanhattan Derby Girls, but maybe she could pick up skating casually again. It was one of her favorite pastimes, it would be a shame to give it up entirely.

Out of curiosity, Tori walked up to the edge of the deck that overlooked the track. She immediately spotted Mia below her, lacing up her skates.

It looked like the team was in the middle of a practice. Some girls stretched and warmed up in the center of the flat track. Some were idly skating loops or doing drills on the raised track. 

Eventually, she saw Jade skating around the track, holding various objects like cones, long rods, and boxes in her hands, and placing them strategically around the raised track.

When Jade looked up in Tori’s direction, Tori’s first reaction was to literally hit the deck, hoping the elevation of the deck above the rink would hide her from Jade’s view. 

She laid there for a few minutes, mostly out of sheer embarrassment from hitting the deck like an absolute spaz. And then she heard the telltale sound of rolling wheels approaching her. Tori closed her eyes and hoped for the powers of invisibility.

“Comfortable down there?” Jade’s familiar voice drawled.

“Very.” Tori tried to respond cooly. “Just needed to rest from my run.”

“You know, I’ve seen like fifty kids throw up on these floors, and I’m the one that has to clean it up. And not to expose my work ethic here but I’m not very thorough with my cleaning and-“

“Getting up now.” Tori jumped up off the floor.

“Probably for the Best.” Jade crossed her arms. “So, my little motivational speech the other day got to you, huh?” She smirked.

Tori scoffed. “No. I was just in the neighborhood and wandered in here on accident. I’m not joining the team.”

“I’m not asking you to join the team.”

Tori pursed her lips in confusion. “Wasn’t that the whole reason you tried to persuade me to come down here?”

“What, you think you can just waltz in here and join the Meanhattan Derby Girls? Like we’re a little book club? We have a waitlist for the waitlist for tryouts.”

“You said you needed a jammer-“ Tori blinked in confusion.

“Yeah, we do. Maybe if this was a year ago I would let you skip the tryout and just join, but let’s be honest here, you’ve been out of the game for a while. Can you even still skate?”

“No, I can’t, that’s why I’m here.” Tori rolled her eyes.

“Let me rephrase. Can you still skate well?” Jade spat out.

“I guess you will have to be the judge of that.” Tori shot back defiantly.

“Well, perfect. You decided to show up on a good day. We set up an agility obstacle course. One Mile-long, so 27 laps, testing weaving, braking, jumping, turning, and overall responsiveness.”

“Great.” Tori put her hands on her hips contemptuously. “I’m sure I will ace it, you’ll see.”

“I don’t care either way.” Jade shrugged. “But have at it, when you’re ready.”

Jade skated away, leaving Tori alone on the deck again. 

At this point, Tori had two choices. She could one: turn around, walk away, and hope never to run into Jade or Mia ever again. Or two: she could give in to her pride, march down there, and prove to Jade that she could definitely still skate.

Tori had always been a rather proud person, so the choice was obvious.

It had only been six months, Tori thought to herself. She couldn’t have lost all her skills in that time.

She walked down the staircase leading down to the track. Jade was by the bottom of the stairs, filling her water bottle.

Tori walked up to her, arms crossed. “I don’t have my-“

“VNLA skates. 6.5 US. Hot pink.” Jade recited, pulling a pair of skates from a black gym bag on the bench beside her. “All you have to do is lace them up. I also have a helmet for you. Luckily it looks as though you’re already in workout gear.”

Tori took the skates from her apprehensively. “You were expecting me, weren’t you.”

“I have learned to always be prepared, as captain and all.” 

“Right. And how did you know my preferred skate color?”

“I told you. I’ve been watching you skate for a while now.”

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or creeped out.”

“I watch a lot of different skaters." Jade shrugged. "For research. It’s not creepy.”

“And you noticed I specifically wear hot pink skates?”

Jade rolled her eyes at the question. “I notice details better than most people. It’s a gift.”

“Like your ability to pinpoint shoe size?”

“Precisely.” Jade put on an obviously fake smile. “Join me on the track when you’re ready.” She again turned and skated away, lifting herself over the back of the raised track and then sliding down the opposite side so she was on the track.

Tori followed suit, once she had successfully laced her skates, using the stairs for getting over the top of the track rather than using Jade’s method. Once on the other side she slid down the raised track and stood up on the flat one. She skated over to Jade, who was now conversing with Mia.

“You came!” Mia piped up as soon as she spotted Tori.

Tori smiled as her old college roommate embraced her. 

“Does this mean you’re joining the team?” Mia was practically bouncing up and down at this point.

“She has to try out.” Jade cut in. “Just like everyone else.”

Mia pouted. “But she is literally the best jammer in the US, you said so yourself-“

“She was a pretty decent jammer this time last year. But we have to see if she can still do basic drills anymore after the hiatus she took.” Jade seethed.

Tori rolled her eyes. “I’m right here you know. And I can hear you.”

“Good for you,” Jade smirked snidely, then turned to face the group of girls in skates gathering around her. “Alright. Today, as many of you know, is the 27 lap agility test. I’ve set up a course. We’ll have two lanes going at a time, inner and outer, but you’re not racing each other, you’re going for more quality laps. First, you’ll speed skate off the start, until the first curve, where I’ve placed cones to weave around. Then in the next straight, there are five bars to jump over. On the next curve, quick stop, skate backwards through some more weaves. Finally, speed skating through next straight, and cycle repeats until you’ve completed 27 laps.”

There were some murmurs and nods from the girls. 

Tori meanwhile attempted to recall the course Jade had described and commit it to memory.

Jade skated over and addressed Tori directly. “Think you can handle that?” Jade sneered.

“In my sleep.” Tori scoffed. 

Jade’s challenging and rather rude attitude was distracting Tori from the fact that it had actually been a decent amount of time since she last skated. But looking at Jade looking at her like she was some five-year-old learning to skate fired Tori up enough to will herself through this course dead or alive.

She grabbed the helmet Jade held out for her, strapped it on, and lined up in the second line of girls, taking up the rear so as not to step on any existing skaters toes.

Jade blew the whistle and released a pair of skaters from the start She repeated the process every five seconds until finally, Tori was on the starting line.

As Tori lined up on the start, Jade gave her a haughty look, that only ignited Tori's competitive nature.

Jade blew the whistle and Tori and Mia flew off the starting line.

Well, Mia flew. Tori kind of- puttered.

It had been six months after all. 

She made it through the speed skate portion decently, but not quickly.

Through the weaves, even going at a snail's pace, Tori ended up falling flat on her ass.

Jade skated over with her clipboard, quirking a judgemental brow up at Tori, who was still sitting on the track.

“I’m just a little rusty, that’s all,” Tori explained, rubbing her rear.

“MmHmm.” Jade skated away, backwards, probably just to irk Tori, and she was able to make a rather quick getaway even while facing the opposite direction.

Tori rolled her eyes at the display and stood back up, regaining her footing before setting off through the course again.

Her first two loops were rusty, at best. She was trying to remember how skating felt, when to let herself glide and when to push herself at the right moments.

By the third time through, Tori was feeling her muscle memory begin to kick in again. 

By the fifth time around, Tori was actually picking up speed. 

By the seventh time around, Tori was in her zone. So much so, that she didn’t even notice some of the other girls getting off the inclined track to stand and watch her.

She weaved and dodged obstacles and other skaters all while picking up more and more speed.

Even Jade had taken notice and was now standing in the middle of the track with her stopwatch, timing Tori’s tenth lap around the track. 

Her 15th lap was one of her best. She felt good, in her zone, just like old times. 

The danger with getting into a groove, however, is that because her body is in a sense on autopilot, it lets her mind wander from the task at hand.

Tori’s mind wandered to powder blue skates polished to perfection. To busted knees that she would have to have patched up and soft kisses left on her forehead by a girl with the softest smile Tori could remember.

And that is how on her 20th lap, Tori ended up skating directly into the top railing around the top of the curved track. 

She bounced off it hard and spun out, landing on her knees and sliding down the raised track. She didn’t bother standing up again and moved to unbuckle her helmet in defeat.

“Well.” Jade skates up beside her. “That was pretty impressive, up until that end part.”

“I’m sorry.” Tori sighed. “I underestimated my muscle memory loss. I’m not the skater I used to be. And there’s no point in putting all your eggs in a broken basket. I’ll take the skates off and-“

“Yeah. No.” Jade shook her head. “You’re gonna be our new jammer.”

“I-“ Tori blinked. “What?”

Jade squatted down so she was eye level with Tori. “You haven’t skated in how long?”

Tori hesitated to respond. “Six months almost.”

“And yet, once you had a few laps under your belt, you were skating those obstacles like a pro, significantly faster and more agile than most of the girls here.”

“But I got distracted and-“

“We’ll work on your focus. In practice, six days a week from 6-8 am. Though you may need some extra help as you’re getting acclimated again. Lucky for you I always have full access to the rink.” Jade explained.

“I don’t know if I can skate anymore,” Tori admitted. “Not like I used to before-“ Her mouth subconsciously sealed itself shut before she revealed too much.

“Look, whatever it is you’re going through, and you don’t have to tell me, I don’t think the way to go about it is to avoid skating altogether. I think you need to skate. Actually, I don’t think. I know.” Jade crossed her arms over her chest. “And I also know that we need you on this team. Walk away now and you’re letting down 14 women who have worked their asses off to get to this point in the season.” 

Jade nodded in the direction of the other Meanhattan Derby Girls, who by this point had formed a bit of a crowd around them.

“We desperately need a jammer, Tori,” Mia added. “We need you.”

Tori looked around at the various faces looking down at her. 

She did miss it. The camaraderie of roller derby. Relying on your teammates as much as they did you. The competition, the adrenaline rush that came with passing blockers and skating so fast you feel you might fall.

“How about you give me a trial run?” Tori suggested. “One week. I can see if it’s possible for me to come back fully to the sport, and you can see if I’m actually a decent fit for the team.”

Jade looked pensive for a minute. “Make it two weeks. You need more than just a week to see the true heart of this team, and time to see if you’re capable of making a decent come back.”

Tori nodded slowly. “But if at the end of two weeks, I feel incapable of fully returning, then you can’t drop in unexpectedly anymore with a motivational speech.”

Jade smirked. “I really hooked you with that, didn’t I?”

Tori ignored her playful comment and held out her hand. “Shake on it?”

Jade quickly grabbed Tori's hand and pulled her up from her position on the ground, and then shook her hand. “This means you can’t quit for two weeks, too. You have to give us your all.”

“I will.” Tori smiled warmly. “I always give my everything.”

“Good." Jade nodded, finally releasing Tori's hand.

"Well then, ladies!” Jade turned to the rest of the team. “Meet our new interim jammer, Tori Vega. Tori, meet the Meanhattan Derby Girls.”

A few hoots and hollers resounded from the girls as they eagerly began to surround Tori and Jade, hoping to introduce themselves. 

Jade excused herself from the social circle to begin cleaning up the obstacles from the track.

Cat skated up until she stood next to Jade. “So, that’s Tori Vega?”

Jade’s eyes didn’t move from the cones she was picking up, but she grunted in affirmation.

Cat smiled. “She’s the same girl you had that poster of last-“

“Cat!” Jade immediately turned to pinch the redhead's lips together with her fingers. “Never mention that again.”

Cat whimpered into Jade’s fingers which had her lips sealed.

“I mean it.” Jade brought her other hand up to point a finger at the redhead. “Never again.”

Cat simply nodded her understanding and when Jade was satisfied she would drop the subject, she released Cat’s lips.

“She’s cute.”

“Jesus Christ, Cat.” Jade rolled her eyes and skated away to pick up more cones. 

“I’m just saying!”


	5. Too Much Dough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Hello. So, I am holding myself to a tighter update schedule now that school is out. I aim to put out a new chapter every Friday!

At 7:55 am the morning after Tori had agreed to give the Derby Girls a two-week trial, she lay on her back on the flat track, sweating more than she had in her entire life.

She heard the tell-tale sound of skates approaching and groaned.

“Okay, that was a pretty decent few laps. I think you can go faster, though.” Jade didn’t even look up from her stopwatch.

“Maybe tomorrow. Today I am officially beat. I have not sweat this much in a long time.” Tori complained.

“Well, obviously, I have to work you hard and can’t let your mind wander, or bad things happen. Like when you crashed into-“

“Yeah, I know!” Tori interrupted. “Don’t have to remind me.”

“Or when you nearly brought Cat down with you today when-“

“Okay! I get it! I’m a hazard!”

“And you need to get way better before our match with the Brooklyn Beaters in a little over a week.”

“Oh, really? You haven’t told me like fifty times today.” Tori shot her a fierce glare.

“And the match being so soon means on top of skating help, you’ll need help memorizing our playbook.”

“Okay. So give me the playbook. I can read over it tonight.”

“Oh no. No one gets to touch the playbook but me.” Jade dictated.

“Why?” 

“Because we have had-” Jade paused. “-incidents with it in the past.”

“Incidents? Like what? Someone spilled milk on it?” Tori had now regained enough energy to sit upright.

“Yes, actually.” Jade let out a sigh heavy with disappointment as if remembering the exact incident. “And also more serious incidents, which I will not disclose to you. Besides, you’re only on trial. You could turn out to be a double agent for some other team and take our playbook to them.”

“You’re really paranoid, you know that?”

“It’s not paranoia if there’s an actual possibility of it happening.”

“Okay then, how do I learn these plays?”

“I’ll teach you. I can be over at your place at six tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Unless you have other plans?”

“No,” Tori admitted. “Well, actually, I was going to watch Netflix and eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but I guess that can wait.”

“We can multitask.” Jade shrugged.

“You like Ben and Jerry’s?”

“Do I have tastebuds?”

“Okay, fair.”

“So, six?” Jade offered again.

“Six.”

“Great. Then you should probably get to work.” 

“Right.” Tori sighed. “I might need help getting up.” She held out both her hands to Jade. 

“Well, I don’t know why you would look to me for help.” Jade scoffed as she skated away.

“Perfect,” Tori muttered to herself as she struggled to stand up with sore legs.

——————

Jade didn’t know why she was taking so much time to pick out a simple outfit to wear to Tori’s place.

It wasn’t like she was trying to impress her or anything. But she did want to look nice.

“You should wear that black dress you wore to the club last week.” Cat piped up from her place laying on Jade’s bed.

“I’m not going to a nightclub, Cat.” Jade rolled her eyes. “Why are you in here, anyway? Don’t you have to get to the diner?”

Cat sighed. “In a few minutes, yeah.”

“Well, why don’t you be a good employee and show up early?”

“Cause you need my help picking out out something to wear.”

“I don’t recall asking for your help.”

“You never ask. You give off an aura.” Cat explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You and your freaking auras,” Jade muttered under her breath.

“I’m telling you, your aura is very brown right now.”

“And that means?”

“You’re insecure, about your outfit choice possibly. And also confused, maybe about your feelings for a certain person?”

“Cat-“

“A certain person who wears hot pink skates, and has really nice hair, and high cheekbones-“

“Cat!” Jade shouted. “For the last time, I am not interested in Tori, except as a potential championship-winning jammer. And besides, I am in a relationship right now, in case you forgot. And it’s- good.”

“Is it?” 

“What is that supposed to mean, Cat?”

“I’m just asking.” Cat shrugged. “But, your aura changed just now.”

“Jesus Christ. Cat, you know I don’t believe in that shit. If you’re going to stay in here, at least help me find something decent to wear.”

Cat jumped up from her place on Jade’s bed and joined her in front of the closet. She immediately reached for a pair of black jeans and a gray v-neck t-shirt with the Journey album cover Escape on it.

“Why this shirt?”

“Tori likes Journey,” Cat answered. “When they played on the radio today at the rink, she told me.”

“For the last time, Cat-“

“You don’t like her. I heard you.” Cat put up her hands defensively. “But this will give you a conversation starter in case things get awkward.”

Jade squinted at the redhead for a second before hesitantly grabbing the clothes she picked out.

“Good. Now that I’ve helped, I should get to the diner.”

“Yeah, you won’t be missed.” Jade spat.

“I know that’s a lie.” Cat sang, skipping out of the room.

Jade simply rolled her eyes as she moved to get changed. 

After playing with her hair for a few additional minutes, she finally decided to just throw it into a messy bun on top of her head.

Tori’s place was only a short walk away from hers since Jade and Cat lived relatively close to the rink as well.

She had rather good spatial memory, so it was easy to retrace the steps she and Mia had taken about a week ago to get to Tori’s. 

As she climbed the steps leading to the apartment building’s front door, a man was exiting, letting Jade slide inside behind him. She remembered Tori was on the fourth floor, but couldn’t remember which door was hers. 

She was about to text when she spotted one door with a strange doormat in front of it. It had a yellow cactus on it, and said: “no pricks allowed.” If that wasn’t Tori’s cheesy doormat, Jade would be shocked, and so she knocked.

“Coming!” She heard Tori’s voice call through the door. Jade was right, as usual. 

Within seconds, the door was thrown open, and Jade was surprised to see Tori standing on the other side, her hair soaking wet, and only wrapped in a fluffy white towel. 

“Hi! You’re here early!” She exclaimed in a voice much higher-pitched than Jade had known her to have.

“It’s six o’clock. I’m right on time.” Jade pointed out, trying to keep eye contact as she had just now realized Tori’s towel was very much on the shorter side.

“Yeah, but usually when people say meet at such and such a time they are still like 15 minutes late.”

“I’m not usual people.”

“Clearly.” Tori laughed lightly, grabbing at her towel to keep it from falling. “Um, come on in, I guess. I’ll just finish getting dressed.”

Jade passed through the door and went to begin spreading her materials on Tori’s coffee table.

“Make yourself at home.” Tori sighed, walking towards the bedroom. 

Jade sat on the couch and began flipping through the pages of the playbook. Trying to get the image of Tori in her towel out of her head.

A few minutes later, Tori re-entered the room, her hair slightly drier, and dressed in a green tank top and high waisted light blue jeans. She walked towards the kitchen, but suddenly paused, turning to Jade. “Hey, wait- how did you get past the outside door without me buzzing you in?”

“Some guy was walking out just as I was coming in.”

“And he just let you in? Without asking if you lived here?”

“Tori, you’ve got a lot to learn about this city.”

“Well. Don’t I feel safe.” She laughed nervously.

“Well, did you change your locks yet? Or replace the screws on your hinges?”

“I have to do that?”

“You don’t have to.” Jade paused. “If you want to be murdered.”

“Jesus Christ! Are you serious?” Tori looked genuinely scared. 

Jade rolled her eyes and closed the playbook, stuffing the various sheets of paper inside. “Before we go over this playbook, we obviously need to pay a visit to the hardware store. Get your shoes and your wallet” She stood up and moved towards the door.

Tori wordlessly followed, throwing on her shoes and grabbing her wallet and keys before following Jade outside.

Jade began to walk East, and Tori paused. “There’s a hardware store right down this way.” She pointed out.

“Andy’s?” Jade turned and looked at Tori like she had told her the sky is red. “No. Way overpriced.”

“How do you overprice hardware?” Tori scrunched her eyebrows.

“Ask Andy,” Jade replied, turning back around and walking East. “The place I know is great, and I happen to know the owner.”

“How?” Tori ran to catch up with Jade.

“We dated in high school.” Jade paused. “And also are dating currently.”

“Oh.” Tori nodded. “So we can get a discount?” 

Jade smirked. “If we play it right.”

Jade led them to the Columbus Circle subway station, and they hopped on the D train. All the seats were taken, so they had to stand.

“Where are we headed?” Tori piped up.

“Bleecker Street.” 

“Oh!” Tori’s eyes lit up. “Wait, a co-worker today told me about a place near Bleecker where they sell edible raw cookie dough-“

“Yeah, it’s called DŌ. It’s a few blocks from the station.”

“Any chance we can-“

“Maybe after we get the stuff you need, so no intruders murder you in the middle of the night.” Jade winked.

“Right.” Tori gulped.

“You know I’m kidding, right?” Jade looked over at the now very concerned looking girl. “I mean, we are just doing this as a precaution. I’m sure you’re safe in your place.”

Tori nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

“Really? Cause you seem pretty freaked.”

“I’m fine.”

Jade crossed her arms over her chest. “You don’t look fine.”

Tori avoided eye contact and instead looked out the window at the passing concrete walls with the occasional dim wall light.

“Tori?” Jade urged. “I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything.”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything.” Tori sighed. “I just have unnaturally high anxiety about these types of things.”

“I’m sorry if I triggered it.”

Tori finally broke her staring contest with the concrete walls of the subway tunnel and looked up at Jade, putting on her signature smile. “I’m okay. Although, you know what may help?”

“Yes, we can get cookie dough after we visit the hardware store.” Jade sighed.

“Then I’m feeling better already.”

Jade rolled her eyes, holding on to the overhead railing a bit tighter as the train came to a stop.

“Oh, hey.” Tori perked up. “I like your shirt.”

Jade looked down and remembered the Journey shirt Cat had picked out for her.

“I love Journey.” Tori smiled.

“So I’ve heard,” Jade replied cooly.

The train started up again, and Tori stumbled sideways, falling into Jade.

Jade caught her arm and helped her stand upright again.

“Sorry.” Tori murmured, regaining her balance.

“The subway takes a while to get used to.” Jade shrugged, taking note of the blush flooding Tori’s cheeks.

As the train rolled to a stop again, Jade poked Tori’s side. “This is us.” She nodded at the subway car door.

They walked up the stairs from the subway platform, and at the top there was a man hanging upside down from one of the railings, playing the flute, half-naked. 

While Tori stopped and stared for a few seconds, Jade simply walked right on by as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“You have to learn not to stop and stare.” Jade admonished as Tori ran up the steps to catch up with her. “Some people are looking for attention, but others are genuine weirdos who won’t hesitate to prey on those who stop.”

“So, do you just get used to that sort of stuff?”

“Pretty much,” Jade smirked. “You wanna see a trick?” Jade proceeded to cup her hands around her mouth and yell at the top of her lungs. 

Tori covered her ears beside her. “What was that for?” She looked at Jade like she had sprouted another head from her shoulder.

“Look around us,” Jade explained. “Everyone that turned around and looked at me has not lived in NYC long enough.”

“Shiz, are New Yorkers all so-” Tori burst out laughing.

“What?” 

“I was going to ask, are you all so jaded, and then realized the pun.”

“You’re such a dweeb, my god.”

Tori smiled. “I take that as a compliment.”

“Yeah, ’cause you’re a dweeb.”

Tori rolled her eyes but continued smiling. “So, where is this hardware store?”

“A few blocks this way. Come on.” Jade motioned with her head.

——————

They finally entered a store called “Oliver’s.” It was a pretty red brick building from the outside. The inside was pretty much like every other hardware store Tori had ever entered. Except maybe a bit- homier. If that made sense. 

“Well, well, well. To what do I owe this surprise?” A rather handsome looking man with very soft looking hair and warm brown eyes approached them. He leaned in to kiss Jade’s cheek and then turned to Tori. 

“Hi, I’m Beck. You must be Tori Vega.” The man held out his hand.

“Hi.” Tori shook his hand. “How do you know my name?”

“Well there was a poster with your picture and name in Jade’s room for about a year so-“

“And, we are going to go look for screws now.” Jade interrupted. “And just for that comment, you’re paying for them.”

“What did I say?” Beck chuckled.

“Bye, Beck.” Jade grabbed Tori’s wrist and dragged her away towards the aisles of tools.

“Nice meeting you, Tori,” Beck called.

“Likewise!” Tori laughed.

Jade didn’t talk until they got to the aisle with all the screws.

“So are we going to talk about this poster, or-“

“Nope.” Jade sighed, paying all her attention to the different sizes of screws.

“Which one was it?” Tori continued prodding her. “The team shot or the individual?”

“I’m going to go ask Beck about how to change your locks.” Jade began walking away. “Pick out some screws. You need # 9’s, at least 3 inches long. Color is up to you.”

Tori simply laughed as Jade practically scurried away.

Imagining Jade having a poster of her in her room was certainly something Tori could laugh about.

“Hi.” A male voice came from beside her.

Tori jumped a bit in surprise.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He ran his fingers through his sandy blonde locks and laughed. “I just had to talk to you. I’ve never seen a girl so pretty in a hardware store.”

Tori had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes.

“So, you come here often?”

“Do you use that pick-up line often?” Tori quirked her head at him.

The man threw his head back as if Tori had just told the funniest joke.

“Touché.” He replied. “Well, can I get your number, maybe we can hang out, you know, outside the hardware store?”

“That’s nice, but I should just tell you,” Tori smiled politely. “I’m extremely gay.” 

“Oh, cool, right! God, I feel like an idiot. Of course you are. Hardware store and everything.” He laughed as if that somehow explained everything. “Your girlfriend is gorgeous, too, by the way.” The man nodded in the direction Jade had walked off in.

“What? No, I- we’re not-“Tori sputtered. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Jeez. I cannot catch a break today, can I? What’s a nice guy like me supposed to do.”

Tori smiled awkwardly back at him, inwardly grimacing at the fact he called himself a ‘nice guy’. She tried to go back to the task at hand, and found the #9 screws Jade mentioned and grabbed a few packages of them.

“So is she not gay? Your friend? Cause if not-“

“She is!” Tori spat out too quickly, in an attempt to save Jade from this very forward man’s flirting.

“But you’re not together?”

“No.”

“I don’t get lesbians.” The man sighed and shook his head as he walked away. 

Tori simply stared open-mouthed behind the man as he walked away. Yeah, he was one of the New Yorkers that gave the city a bad reputation. Tori shook her head in an attempt to also shake him from her head.

“Hey, you find them yet?”

Tori jumped so fast she dropped everything in her hands.

“Jeezus, Vega.” Jade admonished her. “Do you have any chill?”

“You scared me!”

“Obviously.”

“Well, help me pick this up.” Tori bent down to collect the fallen screws.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“It’s your fault I dropped everything.”

“How is it my fault that you’re so jumpy?”

“Just help me!”

“Fine. But only cause I want to.” Jade rolled her eyes as she knelt down to help Tori pick up the screws.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself.” Tori sang.

After buying everything Tori needed, and saying their goodbyes to Beck, they exited the store and began heading back for the subway station.

“You still want your cookie dough?” Jade looked at Tori expectantly.

“Yes!” Tori answered a bit too quickly.

Jade snorted as she led Tori to the famous cookie dough place.

When they arrived, there was a line out the door and around the block.

“All these people are here for the cookie dough place?”

“It’s relatively new, so people are hopping on the trend. The line goes pretty fast, don’t worry.”

Jade was right, it only took about ten minutes to get to the front of the line.

“One medium scoop of brownie batter, please,” Jade ordered.

Tori’s turn came, and she leaned across the counter to tell the woman working what she wanted. “Can I get one large scoop of gimme s’ more, one large scoop of fluffernutter, and one large of sugar cookie?”

Jade looked at her with her studded eyebrow raised. 

“What?” Tori noticed Jade looking at her. “I love cookie dough.”

“You’re gonna throw up.” Jade sighed.

“No, I won’t.”

“It’s not like ice cream, Tori. It’s very filling. Trust me.”

“I’ve eaten cookie dough before.”

“You’ve eaten three large scoops of cookie dough in one sitting?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t measured in scoops before.”

“You are going to be so sick.”

“I can handle myself, thank you.”

“It’s your funeral.” Jade shrugged. “Just remember, one large scoop of dough could make 8 cookies. You are getting three large scoops.”

“So, what? Are you food shaming me?” Tori challenged.

“Not at all, I’m just trying to get you to see that cookie dough scoops aren’t like ice cream scoops. I think your eyes are speaking for your stomach right now.”

“I can handle this, no problem.”

Jade simply raised her eyebrows and shook her head, exchanging a knowing glance with the woman scooping Tori’s cookie dough.

“Hey, don’t team up against me!” Tori pouted. “If I can break through a particularly heavy jam in less than thirty seconds, I can eat 24 cookies worth of dough.”

“Sure,” Jade answered sarcastically. 

They got their orders to-go since they didn’t want to eat on the subway ride home. Luckily, the car was less crowded on the way back, so they were able to sit.

Tori played with the handles of the plastic to-go bag before turning to Jade. “So, you and Beck have dated since high school?”

“On and off, yeah,” Jade answered nonchalantly.

“Oh.” Tori nodded.

“Why?”

“Hmm?” Tori looked up to make eye contact with Jade.

“You seem like you’re confused about it.”

“Huh? No, I’m not confused.” Tori bit her lip. “I guess I just thought- well, I assumed-”

“That I’m gay?” Jade smirked.

Tori blushed visibly and began to stutter. “It’s not like- It’s just, I- you know in roller derby it’s pretty common to be- I wasn’t trying to offend you or-”

“Jeez, Tori, you really do have zero chill.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Tori suddenly became very interested in playing with the plastic bag in her hands.

After a beat, Jade spoke up. “I am, by the way.”

“Hmm?” Tori feigned ignorance.

“Gay. I’m bisexual.” Jade explained. “So, don’t worry, you didn’t lie to that douche in the hardware store.”

“You heard our conversation?”

“Most of it, yeah.” Jade smirked. “What an idiot.”

“Seriously.” Tori agreed. 

“That’s the thing you’ll learn about living in this city. There’s a lot of people here, obviously. And I would say 9/10 people you come across are great, friendly people. But that 1 out of every 10 is just-unspeakably horrible. And those tend to be the ones you remember, unfortunately. But try not to dwell on them. They don’t deserve the time you spend thinking about them.” 

Tori nodded slowly, absorbing Jade’s words. “That’s some pretty solid advice.”

“You live and you learn.” 

“How long have you lived in the city?”

“My whole life practically. My family moved us here when I was three, and I never left.”

“Good, then I’ll come to you with all my questions.”

“As long as they’re not stupid ones.”

“I’ll try my best.” Tori smiled at her warmly.

—————

When they returned to Tori’s place, Jade helped Tori replace the screws on her door and change the lock. They had put their cookie dough in the fridge to save as a treat for afterward. 

“Thanks for helping me with this. I wouldn’t have even thought about it.” 

“No problem.” Jade stood and began collecting the tools they had been using. “It’s good you have all these tools now, too. Never know when they’ll come in handy.”

“That’s true.” Tori took the tools from Jade and put them in an empty drawer in the kitchen. “Dough time?”

“Playbook time,” Jade responded, already laying out the pages again. “But as I said earlier, we can multitask.”

Tori nodded eagerly as she grabbed their dough from the fridge. She handed Jade’s to her and sat across from her at her coffee table.

“Alright, we’ll start with the most basic plays we have.” Jade began, as Tori began to dig into her cookie dough.

After Jade had explained three new plays to Tori, Tori was one scoop into her dough, and she could tell it wasn’t sitting right. It was delicious, but Jade was right, it was extremely filling. And currently, it felt like the dough was being baked in her stomach, turning into actual cookies and taking up more space.

Tori grimaced as she began on the second scoop.

“You good?” Jade looked at her knowingly from across the coffee table.

“Yep.” Tori smiled back, taking a large bite of her dough just to spite Jade.

“You’re such a bad liar.” Jade shook her head.

“Am not.”

“You also argue like a five-year-old.”

“Do n-“Tori paused and pouted.

“See?”

“Shut up.” Tori played with the remaining dough in her cup.

“You don’t have to eat the rest just to prove me wrong, you know.” Jade offered. “You seriously will throw up.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not even close to full yet.”

“Tori, we have practice at 6 am tomorrow. I would prefer if you don’t blow chunks all over the rink, because I’m the one that would have to clean that up. So, give me the dough.” Jade motioned with her hand.

Tori pouted for a few seconds before reluctantly handing Jade her cup. 

“Good girl.” Jade teased.

“How did you know it would be so heavy?”

“Experience.” Jade sighed. “I went to DŌ when it first opened. Ordered four large scoops. Brownie batter, chocolate dream, oatmeal m&m, and cake batter. Halfway through, I was done for, could barely move I was so full. And my stomach wasn’t normal for a week afterward. Cookie dough is not designed to be eaten in scoops, and yet humans do it.”

“They really should warn you.”

“And lose their profit?”

“Ah. Right.”

Jade stood to place her own cup in the trash and Tori’s back in the fridge. “Any questions about the plays so far?”

“Just one.” Tori sat up a bit straighter as she was relieved of looking at the dough. “When I have to pass the star, who is our pivot?”

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“Tori.” Jade rolled her eyes. “I’m the pivot.”

“What? You didn’t tell me that! How am I supposed to know?”

“I suppose to be fair we haven’t been wearing our helmet covers in practice. And we haven’t practiced with a full team yet. But yeah, I’m the pivot. Although for certain plays, and when I am tired, Janelle comes in as the pivot.”

“Janelle?”

“You haven’t met her yet. She mostly practices on her own at night. She’s really pretty, dark skin, shaved head, 32 years old, and talks about her 5-year-old daughter all the time. You’ll like her. She’s sweet, like you.”

“Oh, okay.” Tori nodded.

“Any other questions?”

“Yeah.” Tori put her chin on her hands as she leaned over the coffee table. “Which poster of mine did you have?”

Jade smiled fakely and stood up, gathering her things. “And on that note, it’s getting late, and we have practice tomorrow.” She paused before sliding on her shoes to leave. “But we will continue learning the other plays soon.” 

“Okay, that sounds good.” 

“And I will be quizzing you in practice tomorrow on the plays we learned today. Every wrong answer earns you 100 burpees with your skates on.”

Tori grimaced just thinking about doing one burpee. “I’ll be studying tonight then, I guess.”

“Good. “Jade opened her front door. “Bye.” 

“Bye.” Tori locked the door behind her and felt good knowing she and Jade had secured her place better. It would allow her to fall into a deep sleep- after memorizing the plays she learned so far.


	6. Tori Vega, Old Lady Killer

With only five days until the match against the Brooklyn Beaters, Jade was really working Tori to the bone.

“Alright. You’re going to speed skate the short loop of Central Park. It’s a perfect, natural, 1.5-mile obstacle course. You’ll have to avoid potholes, uneven pavement, horses pulling carriages, slow joggers, old people, and angry New Yorkers, all while trying not to fall on your ass or scrape your knees on the concrete.” Jade explained.

Jade had brought Tori to the Columbus Circle Entrance of Central Park. At 7 am on a weekday, it was bustling with fit New Yorkers trying to get in their daily workout, old New Yorkers trying to get in their daily steps, tourists gawking at the only real greenery within a concrete jungle, and hustlers trying to get those tourists to rent bikes or take carriage rides through the park. 

And, of course, Jade and Tori, who had their skates strapped and ready to go. Except Jade would only be standing at the makeshift starting line, timing Tori’s loop.

“Are you warmed up?” 

“Yeah.” Tori bent down to touch her toes one last time. “But are you sure this is safe? I don’t-“

“And go!” Jade called, starting her watch.

“Wait, What?” Tori fumbled her start, pushing off haphazardly. “I wasn’t ready!”

“You have to be ready for anything,” Jade teased. “You’re losing seconds!”

“God-“Tori muttered as she began to pick up speed. Within a minute, she was around the curve of the path and out of Jade’s sight.

Using Tori’s average lap time, Jade calculated that Tori should be able to make it around the 1.5-mile loop in about 6 minutes. Although that would be on a smooth track with no obstacles, so she expected Tori to take a bit longer on the natural path.

At the ten minute mark on her stopwatch, Jade was just disappointed. She expected some time stamp additions due to Tori having to avoid horse-drawn carriages and slow tourists, of course, but four extra minutes was a disappointment.

When twenty minutes had passed, Jade grew a bit concerned. What was Tori doing? Smelling every flower along the loop?

When thirty minutes had passed, Jade really began to worry. She told herself maybe Tori had accidentally merged onto the longer 5-mile loop. Still, gruesome images flashed in Jade’s head of Tori being flattened by a horse-drawn carriage, or a stray taxi cab. 

Jade stood up and began skating back and forth to distract herself, making sure to keep herself out of the way of passing joggers.

Finally, at 45 minutes 37.01 seconds on the stopwatch, Jade saw Tori skating leisurely around the bend of the path. 

As Tori gets closer, Jade spots blood coming from Tori’s skinned elbow and more blood spatters on Tori’s shirt and spandex. 

“What the hell happened?” Jade yells as Tori comes to a stop in front of her.

“I took out an old lady.” Tori replied glumly, stepping off the path and into the grass.

“You what?” Jade blinks.

“I didn’t see her! She came out of nowhere!” Tori cried, flailing her arms about her.

“You ran over an old lady?” Jade had to struggle to keep a straight face.

Tori looked genuinely distraught. “She just stepped out in front of me! I think she was taking a picture of a bird, and I collided head-on with her.” She buried her face in her hands.

“Oh my god, Vega.” Jade bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“She got up afterward and said she was fine, but someone called an ambulance just in case. I had to give them my information.”

“Okay, well-“Jade couldn’t hold in her laughter anymore. At first, she only let her shoulders shake, but eventually, she had to let out a loud resounding laugh. 

“It’s not funny, Jade! She could have been really hurt!” Tori admonished her.

“I’m sorry.” Jade tried to regain control of herself. “I just-” Again, Jade burst out laughing.

“Stop! You’re being insensitive!” But even Tori couldn’t hide the smile forming on her face.

Jade continued to nearly keel over with laughter, and eventually, Tori couldn’t help but join in with her.

They laughed until their sides hurt, and Tori was holding onto Jade for dear life as her lungs felt on the verge of collapse.

Eventually, however, they regained control of themselves and calmed down.

Jade caught a closer look at Tori’s elbow and realized the cut was worse than she had initially thought. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, why?”

Jade grabbed her arm gently and turned it slightly so Tori could see the gash. 

“Oh. I didn’t even feel it.” Tori shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s the adrenaline talking. We should get you back. I have a good first aid kit back at the rink, and I can patch you up.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jade glanced at her watch, and her eyes widened. “8 o’clock already. We definitely should get back.”

“Yeah, we should probably leave before the cops come for me.” Tori sighed.

Jade looked her up and down. “You didn’t kill the old lady, did you, Vega?”

Tori stuck her tongue out as a response.

“Well, there’s no use in wasting skate time. On the way back, let’s practice our star pass.” Jade suggested.

“You’re going to make my poor injured body practices star pass?”

“I thought you said you didn’t even feel it?”

“Ah, it hurts so bad now!” Tori sighed melodramatically.

“Just think about how bad that old lady is hurting. With her probably very brittle bones.”

Tori pouted. “Okay, that’s uncalled for. Anyways, how are we going to practice the star pass with no-“

Jade pulled a helmet cover from her pocket. “Here.”

“You just keep panties on you?” Tori laughed.

“First of all, never call helmet covers panties.”

“Why? That’s what they’re called.”

“Not on this team. I hate that word with a passion.” Jade snarled.

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t have told me that,” Tori smirked. “Cause I love getting on your nerves.”

Jade pursed her lips and glared at Tori. “You better not.”

“Here, give me your panties, Jade!” Tori called out, obnoxiously loud.

Well, Jade discovered a new test to see who hadn’t lived in New York long enough. Say that phrase at a wildly inappropriate volume and see who turns around.

Jade hushed her. “Would you shut up, please?” 

“What? I just said, give me your panties.” Tori waggled her eyebrows.

“I’m skating away now.” Jade turned away. 

“Why?” Tori followed close behind, still smirking at how she was making Jade squirm. “I thought you were going to give me your panties so we could pass them back and forth on the way back.”

“Vega, I swear to god,” Jade warned, but she couldn’t hide the slight upturn of her lips.

“Come on, Jade, just give me your panties.” Tori sang.

“Oh my god.” Jade quickly turned around and shoved the helmet cover into Tori’s mouth. “Shut your mouth now, okay?” 

Tori spat the cover into her hands. “Bleck! When was the last time this was washed?”

“Well, I am the one who washes them so- probably never.”

“Oh god, I’m gonna be sick.” Tori fake retched.

“You deserve it if you do.” Jade shrugged. 

“Now, on top of a bloody elbow, I’m going to get some weird disease from having dirty panties in my mouth.”

“You were just dying to say that, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Tori smirked.

“You know what, I’m going to take this back.” Jade grabbed the helmet cover. “And we’ll walk back to the rink. I don’t want to subject the poor elderly community of New York to Tori Vega, the Old Lady Killer.” Jade skated away towards the park exit.

“Alright, that’s just mean.” Tori followed her out.

They exchanged their skates for shoes at the exit and walked back to the rink.

When they got back and entered through the glass doors, Jade led Tori behind the rental counter.

“Am I allowed back here?” 

“You’re with me, it’s fine.” Jade shrugged.

She continued back beyond the counter to the staff restroom. Tori followed her inside and watches as Jade opens a medicine cabinet stocked with first aid supplies.

“Wash your elbow in the sink.”

“It really doesn’t hurt that bad,” Tori started. “You don’t have to-“

“It will get it infected if you don’t clean it. You really want to risk a New York City-bred germ? Probably super resilient to antibiotics.”

“Fair point. “ Tori turned the knob of the cold water faucet and stuck her wound under the flow of water.

Jade grabbed a few supplies from the cabinet and then walked to stand beside Tori. “Let me see.”

Tori removed her elbow from the water and presented it to Jade. “I can’t see it that well. Is it bad?”

Jade examines the wound for a minute before replying. “It’s not too deep.”

“That’s good, right?”

“You’ve never scraped an elbow before?”

“No.” Tori shook her head but then backtracked. “I mean yeah, I have- I just-”

“I make you nervous?” Jade smirked, as she leaned in to inspect the wound for any debris.

“No!” Tori laughed. “Just, I don’t like injuries. They make me nervous, even when they’re small.”

“And yet, you do roller derby?”

Tori shrugged. “Exposure therapy, I guess.”

Jade began applying a thin layer of antibiotic cream on the abrasion and then unwrapped a large band-aid to cover it.

And suddenly, a memory resurfaces in Tori’s mind. Hannah is patching up yet another of Tori’s derby related injuries. A skinned knee. And before she can banish the memory to the back of her mind again, Jade’s steely grey-blue eyes are replaced with Hannah’s hazel ones. Jade’s jet black hair replaced with Hannah’s soft brown curls. And suddenly, Tori finds it hard to breathe, like the walls are closing in on her suddenly.

“Tori, you good?” Jade’s voice cuts through her thoughts, but it’s mixed with Hannah’s in Tori’s mind.

Jade reaches out to place a hand on Tori’s shoulder, and Tori recoils as if Jade has touched her with a hot iron.

“I’m-“Tori blinked at Jade’s now concerned expression. “I’m going to be late for work.”

Tori began to hastily make a dash for the exit, ignoring Jade repeatedly calling after her. She struggled to see through the blur of tears forming at the corners of her eyes, but eventually pushed the doors open and fled.


	7. Just Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING! For this chapter: Pan*c Attack !!!!!!!!!!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: The description of the attack and healing methods provided are purely based on personal experience with PAs and the recovery methods that worked best for me. This is in no way medical advice for dealing with PA's for yourself or others, but some of the practices described do work for many people that suffer from PA's.

When Tori reached her apartment door, she fumbled to get the key in the lock. As soon as the door was open, she collapsed to the floor and kicked the door shut behind her. 

The tears were beyond her control now, and she could feel them streaking down her face, leaving a residue of salt water in their wake.

Her breaths came in fast and shallow. And every third breath was interrupted by a violent sob racking her body.

The world around her started to blur, and her head started to spin, escalating her situation.

She somehow managed to sit up and lean her back against the door. She pulled her legs up to her chest and laid her head on her knees, hugging herself and trying to recalibrate her body. 

But her heart is hammering fast in her chest, thumping hard against her ribs with every beat, and her breathing won't settle down, and the tears just keep coming.

The sounds of the world around her blurred into a harsh, loud white noise in her ears until the jarring buzz of her intercom reverberated through her body. But Tori still couldn't move.

"Tori?" Mia's garbled voice comes through the intercom. "Tori, let me up."

Tori remained motionless, her breathing still fast and shallow.

"Tori." Mia's voice calls again. "I know you aren't okay right now, but I need you to let me up."

"I-" Tori's voice sounded distant and broken. "I can't." She whispered, even knowing Mia couldn't hear her unless she pressed the intercom button.

Tori's cellphone rang in her pocket, and she knew it had to be Mia. She wanted to answer it, but her entire body felt numb. And then the ringing stopped.

"Tori, just take deep breaths, okay?" Mia's voice came over the intercom again. "I'm going to count to four, and I want you to breathe in for four whole seconds, okay?"

A sob wracked through Tori's body. She was now aware that she was in the midst of a panic attack, but she felt utterly helpless, like her body was now in control.

"Tori? I'm going to count now, okay?" Mia's voice came through. "1, 2-"

Tori tried to keep inhaling along with her count, but her lungs betrayed her, and she began to hyperventilate again. 

"-4." Mia soothed. "I'm going to keep counting until you buzz me up, okay? Inhale for four, then hold for four. And then exhale for four, and hold it for four. Okay? I'm going to keep counting, and you just focus on breathing, okay, Tori?"

Fresh tears rolled down Tori's cheeks, and she still felt her heart hammering away in her chest, but she tried to listen to Mia. 

Eventually, all she could hear was Mia counting to four over and over again over the intercom. And she tried to keep her breaths in time with Mia's counting.

Tori could feel her breathing come under her control, and her heartbeat followed, slowing to a normal pace. The tears stopped blurring her vision, and she regained feeling in her fingers and toes. Tori just focused on continuing to breathe. In for four seconds, holding, out for four seconds, holding. She dug her toes into the floor, feeling her body connect to the ground beneath her. 

When she regained a feeling of control over her own body again, Tori slowly stood and interrupted Mia's counting, buzzing her inside the building. Within minutes, there was a knock at her door, and still in a bit of a daze, Tori opened it.

"Hi." Mia smiled softly on the other side. 

"Hi." Tori's voice cracked.

"Can I come in?"

Tori nodded and stepped aside, letting Mia inside. 

When the door closed, Mia turned to Tori again. "Can I hold your hands?"

Tori could only nod again.

Mia took both Tori's hands in hers and squeezed them. "You're okay, Tori. You're here."

"I'm here," Tori repeated.

"Do you wanna sit down on the couch with me?"

"Yeah."

They sat in silence on Tori's couch for over an hour, Mia gently rubbing her thumb back and forth over Tori's hand.

And finally, Tori felt comfortable enough to speak. "She was patching up my elbow and I- I just flashed back to when- when she would fix me up after a brutal match."

"That's understandable." Mia caught wind of the fact that Tori was not using Hannah's name, and so she carefully chose her next words. "She was the one who would always fix you, right?"

"Always." Tori gulped. "And so I freaked when Jade was helping me. And I ran. And Jade probably thinks I'm crazy and messed up and-"

"Tori?" Mia interrupted. "Don't project, okay? You don't know that Jade thinks that. And you can't control what others think. And that's okay. Right?"

"Jade was being nice, and I-"

"You had every right to freak out a little bit, Tori. A lot has changed for you in the past six months. Sometimes even if we think we've moved on, we can uncover emotions or memories we've buried, and everything feels fresh again."

"Why didn't you end up being a therapist?" Tori wiped at her running nose. "You're good at this whole talking people down thing."

"Eh, four years of med school didn't sound like fun."

Tori chuckled, leaning her head on Mia's shoulder.

"Besides, I think I'm only good at talking you down cause I've known you for like, ever."

"I'll pay you to be my therapist here." Tori offered.

"You don't have to pay me. I'm here for you cause you're my friend." Mia laughed, but then she realized the meaning behind Tori's words. "You don't have a therapist here?"

Tori hesitated to respond. "It's hard to open up to a brand new person."

"I get that, but was the therapist helping you in LA?"

"I guess." Tori sniffed.

"You guess, or you're just being stubborn?"

"Probably the latter."

"I'm not going to force you to do anything you're not ready for, Tori. But I do think therapy helped you." 

"You're right. And I will get around to it. I just- I need a break for now."

"That's okay." Mia conceded. "You do what you need to do."

After a beat, Tori looked up at her friend. "How did you know? That I wasn't okay."

Mia smiled, but her eyes betrayed her true emotion. "I saw you rush out this morning. It looked- too familiar. You had a look on your face, and I just knew you needed help."

Tori nodded, taking her explanation.

"Anyways," Mia stood and stretched. "Enough of this mopey talk. I'm hungry. Let's order something."

"Tacos?" Tori supplied.

"There's the Tori I know and love!" Mia smiled and reached out to help Tori get up off the couch, so they could get some food.

———

The next morning, right before practice started, Tori found Jade and pulled her aside quietly.

"Hey." Tori began. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Don't apologize. You had to get to work, right?" Jade smiled, trying to avoid the subject.

Tori nodded slowly. "Right."

Jade began to skate away, but paused and turned back to face Tori again. "But you know, if there was ever something you wanted to talk to me about, you could." Jade shrugged. "I mean, I am your team captain, it's kinda my responsibility to make sure all my teammates are okay and ready to play. And I'm told I am also a pretty decent listener. And despite what it looks like, I do have emotions, and life experiences, so I may actually be able to help."

Tori smiled, warmed by Jade's sentiment. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Good." Jade skated away to set up today's obstacles.

After practice, as Tori was leaving, Jade called out to her. "Hey! Before you go, I need your skate persona, so I can make your jersey."

"Huh?" Tori blinked in confusion.

"The name you'll use for games. Your persona, you know?"

Tori's eyes widened in realization. "Oh! Right!"

"Are you just keeping the same name as before?"

"I hadn't thought about it," Tori admitted. "I'll um- let you know by tomorrow morning."

Jade nodded and watched Tori leave.

———————

All throughout the workday, and when Tori arrived home and showered and ate dinner, Tori thought about her skating persona. 

She liked her old name a lot. Victoria Deck 'em. It was witty, a play on her own name, and meaningful to Tori. When she got the name, she was obsessed with The Spice Girls and had a celebrity crush on Victoria Beckham, aka "Posh Spice". 

However, the problem with her old name was that Hannah was the one who had given it to her. And therefore, the name carried with it a lot of emotional baggage.

There was also a very good reason Hannah had picked Tori's name the last time. Tori was horrible at coming up with derby names. For the first few weeks of her derby career in LA, Tori had gone by the name A-Mean-O Acid. That was until Hannah (rightly) pointed out that it was the nerdiest name in existence, and that every girl on the track would want to pummel Tori if she kept the name.

The names Tori was coming up with today weren't much better than that first attempt. She desperately needed help. 

It was only 8:13 pm, so people should still be awake, especially in the so-called "city that never sleeps".

Tori decided. "I'll call Mia."

But as soon as she proposed her dilemma to Mia, she didn't get the creative spark of genius she was hoping for.

"Sorry, I'm not the best with derby names," Mia confessed. 

"You're probably better than me!" Tori argued.

"I highly doubt that." Mia chuckled. "You remember the first derby name that I came up with and had to wear for a year?"

Tori scrunched her brows, trying to remember. "Wait, remind me?"

"Jennifer Love Screwit."

Tori snorted. "That's not that bad-"

"You love dorky puns, so of course you wouldn't think it's bad." Mia teased. "To be fair though, at the time I had just gone through a nasty breakup, so I was not in a great place to be naming myself. But my point is- I definitely can't help you."

"Well, I need help! And you're all I've got!"

"Look, I'm just not good at this stuff, but-" Mia thought. "Jade's actually really good at coming up with names. She's named almost every girl on the team, including me."

"What's your name now?"

"Sweet Tease. Cause I'm southern, full of fake sweetness, and I know how to tease the opposing jammer into thinking they can pass my blocks." Mia then added, "Oh, and I like to flirt a lot, too." 

"That's- actually a pretty fitting name for you," Tori admitted.

"Thank you," Mia smirked. "Jade is better at coming up with names that have true meaning. True skate personas. She lives for this stuff. She's really creative. Here, grab a pen and paper, I'll give you her number."

After Mia hung up, Tori began to dial-up Jade. Tori was a bit nervous about speaking to her after the incident yesterday. But Jade did say she could talk to her anytime, so Tori didn't know why she was getting so worked up about a simple phone call.

Before her brain could psych her out, Tori began dialing the number Mia gave her.

After a few rings, Tori heard a familiar voice on the other line. "If this is another scammer, I swear to god will have this call traced and-"

"Jade?" Tori cut her off.

"Oh." Jade paused. "What's up, Tori."

"How do you know it's me?"

"Your voice is- distinct," Jade answered cryptically.

"I don't know if that's a compliment or not."

"Its a statement," Jade replied. "Doesn't have to be taken any specific way."

Tori pouted but pushed forward on the task at hand. "Before you can potentially insult me further, I'm calling because I was wondering if I can ask for your help with my name."

"Did Mia give you this number?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

"I helped her with her name, and now she sends every new recruit my way for their names." Jade sighed.

"Oh. If you're tired or something, I can just-"

"No, it's fine. I actually enjoy this kinda stuff. I just- am having a bit of a rough night."

"Anything I can help with?" Tori offered.

Jade was silent for a minute before replying. "Just- some boyfriend stuff. Nothing I can't handle."

"This friendship can be a two-way street, you know? I can also be a good sounding board for you."

"So we're friends now? I thought we were teammates."

"I think we've encroached upon friend territory, don't you think? You've helped me get me skating skills back, and saved me from being murdered in the middle of the night. And I know things about you now."

"Yeah? Like what?" Jade prompted.

"I know you hate the word-"

"Don't say it!"

"-panties." Tori finished.

Jade shook her head. "You were just dying to say that, weren't you?" 

"Yeah." Tori laughed. "I like teasing you. Like friends do." 

"Alright, so we are- acquaintances." Jade compromised. "And you need help with your name."

"That would be great, yes." Tori hopped up on her bed and leaned back against her pillows. 

"Okay then." Tori heard the sound of movement on the opposite line and then typing, and she presumed Jade either sat down at a desktop or pulled up her laptop. Then Jade continued, "As you probably know, usually the best derby names are the ones that really mean something to the person. A name that captures the person they want to be seen as when they skate. So, let's start simple. What are your defining traits?"

"Well. I have brown hair," Tori began listing. "I'm told I have really nice cheekbones-"

"Tori," Jade snorted, "I've seen you before. Tell me things that aren't so obvious." 

"Um- I'm a lesbian." Tori blurted out.

"It's cute you think that's not obvious, but go on." Jade snickered.

"Wait, what is that supposed to mean?"

"Just keep going." 

"Okay." Tori tried to think of more of her defining traits. "Um. I'm half Latina. I'm a bit clumsy-"

"And very jumpy." Jade supplemented.

"Okay, are you just trying to roast me?"

"Interests?" Jade ignored Tori's petulance.

"I-" Tori paused to think. "I care about the environment. Um, in college I majored in chemistry."

"You majored in chemistry?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus." Jade scoffed. "So you really are a major nerd. Maybe that should be your derby name."

"Okay, I'm hanging up now." Tori rolled her eyes.

"I'm teasing, Vega. Keep going. So you majored in nerd, what else?"

"I also got a minor in Classics with a focus on Ancient Greek Poetry."

"Hold on." Jade sat up. "Lesbian, who likes Ancient Greek poetry?"

"Yeah?" 

"Sappho."

"I love Sappho." Tori piped up.

"Of course you do, you're a lesbian." Jade pointed out.

"So, what? You think my derby name should be Sappho?

"Well, this is roller derby. Make it dirtier than that." Jade sighed, thinking. "What about adding an e to the end?

"Sappho-E?" Tori questioned.

"The E would be silent, dingus." Jade snorted. "It would emphasize the end of the name, and make it brandable. And also make a reference to hoe as in like-."

"Ohh!" Tori finally caught on.

"Yeah." 

"I kinda like it, actually." Tori nodded. "But, I'm not really that promiscuous, I think."

"Well, is your skating persona promiscuous?" Jade made fun of the way Tori said the word like it was dirty.

"I guess?" 

"I've seen you skate in the champs, Tori. The answer is yes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You flirt with the cameras. A lot."

"I do not!" Tori replied in a petulant tone.

"You do. You just don't realize you're doing it. Which only makes you look more attractive." Jade explained. 

"Oh, and that's why you used to have my poster?" Tori teased her. She could hear Jade release a loud sigh through the phone.

"Don't try to put the heat back on me. You're the one that skates like-" Jade paused, obviously about to say something she'd regret admitting tot Tori.

"Like what?" Tori smirked, even though she knew Jade couldn't see it.

"Look, you don't have to decide on the name right now." Jade changed the subject, obviously flustered. "Why don't you sleep on it, and get back to me tomorrow at practice."

"Okay, fine. That sounds good." Tori agreed.

"But, if you choose a different name, please don't let it have the word panties in it." Jade shuddered.

Tori smiled cheekily. "Oh, so I suppose calling myself panty dropper is off the table then? Darn."

Jade blushed on the other line. "You're a little shit, you know that?"

Tori laughed jovially, thoroughly enjoying getting such a rise out of Jade.

After a moment, Jade spoke again. "Hey, can I ask about yesterday?" 

"Yeah, of course." Tori's tone softened.

"Did I say something, or do something-"

"No." Tori quickly interrupted her.

"Okay." Jade breathed. "Just wanted to make sure."

"I'm sorry- if you felt guilty for no reason."

"I didn't feel guilty," Jade answered a bit too quickly.

"Okay, you sure?" 

"As long as you're okay now, I'm good." 

"I'm-"Tori paused, not wanting to lie to Jade. "I'm working on being okay. I've had a really rough year, and I'm-"Tori sighed. "I'm working on being okay."

"Well, my offer still stands, you know. If you need someone to talk to." 

"Yeah, well, now that I have your number, I will definitely be taking you up on that. You might regret offering." Tori chuckled.

"I won't," Jade assured her. "So, think over the name tonight, and I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."

As Tori pressed the end call button and placed her phone on her nightstand, she couldn't help but smile. It felt nice to have friends again.


	8. New Names, New Faces, New Plays

The next morning, as Tori walked into the Ninth Avenue Roller Rink, she spotted Jade scribbling in a notebook at the counter.

"Hey!" She called out as she hopped up to sit on the counter beside where Jade was scribbling. "Call me, Sapphoe." 

"Huh?" Jade seemed a bit distracted, not looking up from her notebook.

"My name," Tori explained. "I chose! I'm going with Sapphoe."

Jade looked up slowly, processing what Tori was telling her. "Oh. You sure? You don't have to pick it just cause that's the one I came up with."

"I'm not, I really like it!" Tori smiled. "If there is anyone I want to embody while I'm skating, it's Sappho." 

"Oh, you want to embody her? Kinky." Jade smirked.

Tori turned a bright shade of pink as she stammered out, "Not like that!" She swatted at Jade's arm. "She's dead! And like 5,000 years old."

"Some people are into that." Jade shrugged.

"Gross." Tori stuck her tongue out in distaste. 

"No kink-shaming here." Jade poked at Tori's leg. "Whatever you're into, I won't judge."

"Anyways," Tori ignored her teasing. "You can tell the jersey maker, or whatever."

Something caught Jade's eye across the room, and she smiled. "Here, tell her yourself. India!" Jade called out.

A tall, curly-haired, strawberry blonde woman who looked to be in her early 20's jogged over to Jade and Tori. 

Tori had practiced with India a couple times. She was a good blocker, even though she had told Tori she was coming off a horrible ACL injury from last year.

"Tori's got her name," Jade explained as India approached.

"Oh, perfect! I've been dying to do some screen printing at school." India piped up.

"School?" Tori's head tilted to the side with curiosity.

"I'm in my second year at Parson's," India explained. "The Art and Design college here in the city."

"I've heard of Parson's, it's supposed to be an amazing school! Congrats." Tori smiled.

"Thanks." India blushed. "I'm trying to be a fashion designer. No better place to do it."

"She is a fashion designer." Jade corrected. "She's just now trying to be a famous one."

"Jade's my number one fan." India laughed. She grabbed a pen and sheet of paper from the counter and turned to Tori, eyes shimmering with excitement. "But enough about me. What name did you go with?"

"Sapphoe." Tori fed off her enthusiasm. "With an E at the end." She added.

"Ooh, very sexy!" India giggled. She was writing the name down when she suddenly looked up at Tori as if having a profound realization. "Oh my god!"

"What?" Tori's eyes darted around, confused.

"Well, you kinda look like-"India paused, tilting her head to one side. She moved to grab Tori's chin. "Can I?"

"Uh, sure?" Tori looked to Jade, who was just smiling at Tori's confusion. 

India moved her hands around Tori's face like she was trying to mold it like a sculpture.

"India, leave her face alone." Jade admonished playfully. 

"Sorry, you just-"India paused, taking her hands back. "You kinda look like- Sappho actually. Or, at least, Godward's interpretation of her. Kinda uncanny, actually. I think it's the eyes. Very soulful. Deep." 

"Um- thanks, I think." Tori smiled. "Who's Godward?"

"Artist in the Neo-Classicist era," India explained, still looking at Tori like she was studying her. "Painted a beautiful work entitled 'In The Days of Sappho'." 

India continued to scrutinize Tori's face. "Have you ever thought about being a model?"

Tori blinked. "Um, no, not really, I-"

Jade sighed, shaking her head. "Again, India?" 

"Every semester we do a showcase of our best work, I'm always looking for models. You would be perfect for this one piece I'm working on. If I could just get your measurements-" 

"Okay, India, slow down. We have practice. Talk to Tori about her modeling career afterward, maybe?"

"Jade's modeled for me before." India ignored her. "She was great! Really stole the show in this sexy-"

"Okay!" Jade cut her off and began to push her away gently. "Please go get your skates on. We're running plays today."

"Fine, fine." India complied, then turned to Tori. "We'll talk later!" She winked as she jogged away again.

"So," Tori turned to Jade. "What was this sexy piece you modeled?"

Jade shook her head. "India is a hard person to say no to. Mostly because she talks so much you don't have a second to refuse. Before I knew what was happening, I was walking down a catwalk in Bryant Park at New York fashion week in what was essentially lingerie cleverly disguised as everyday clothes."

Tori pursed her lips, contemplating. "That sounds like quite the show."

"Yeah, we'll see what the theme is this semester. I wonder what she'll dress you in." 

"So, there's not a way out of this, then?"

"Nope." Jade shook her head. "Not unless you leave the country. Or die."

"Great. I'm so good in front of large crowds." Tori sighed.

"If you're trying to be sarcastic, you might actually want to say something that's not true. You're great with crowds."

"If I'm skating, sure. Then I'm so focused on winning I don't notice the eyes on me."

"Modeling is similar. Just like walking down a really long, narrow, somewhat slippery street." Jade explained. "Oh, except you're usually in six-inch stilettos and a tight ass dress."

"Or lingerie?" Tori teased.

Jade blushed. "Just for that comment, I'm throwing you in the deep end at practice today." 

"Don't you always?"

"Oh baby, you haven't seen anything yet." Jade looked Tori up and down with a mischievous glint in her eyes that may or may not have made Tori gulp.

"So-"Tori was almost afraid to ask. "What is on the agenda for today?"

"Lace-up, and you'll see," Jade answered cryptically as she grabbed her notebook and walked towards the rink.

"Great." Tori followed Jade down into the rink, put on her protective pads, and laced her skates up, ready to see what Jade had in store.

She stood and skated over to Jade, who was conversing with Mia and two other girls Tori recognized from practice.

When Jade spotted Tori approaching, she turned to make room for her in their circle. 

"Okay, Tori. These are our starting lineup blockers." Jade motioned at the three girls around her. "They can do the hardest plays, work well under pressure, and have some of the best endurance on the team. They're probably going to be the ones you play with the most."

Tori nodded, smiling at them. Mia gave her a wink of assurance, and Tori was put a bit more at ease knowing Mia was one of the starters too.

"And you're the starting pivot." Tori looked at Jade.

"Correct," Jade affirmed. "Today, we are going to run through some of the plays I taught you so you can get a feel for what they'll be like during actual games."

"Okay. That sounds good." 

Tori paled a bit, thinking about their first game, which was approaching much more quickly than she had anticipated. There were only three days to go until game day, and that would be the two-week mark that would end her 'free trial' of the Meanhattan Derby Girls.

"I'm going to show you how best to use your main blockers," Jade explained.

Jade put her hand on the shoulder of one of the tallest girls Tori had ever seen. Tori hadn't met her at practice yet. She was young, probably only a bit older than Tori herself. Her dark brown hair was braided in tight, neat rows against her scalp, and the ends were pulled up in a high bun, only adding to how tall she was. Her brown skin and sharp features, along with her Egyptian style eyeliner, reminded Tori of the famous statue of Nefertiti.

"So." Jade continued. "Oya here is our resident Amazon."

"And I'm a boss at makeup." Oya framed her face with her hands playfully. "Hence my skate name, 'Glamazon.'" Oya smiled warmly. "Oh, I'm also the team makeup artist, and I have my own business on the lower west side, so if you're ever-"

"Oya?" Jade interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Not the time for a business plug." Jade 

"It's always time for a business plug. You've got to be on your hustle 24/7." Oya defended herself, then noted Jade's unamused expression. "But by all means, continue. Tell her what I can do inside the rink."

Jade rolled her eyes, but Tori notes the small uplift of the corner of Jade's mouth. "Anyways, Oya here is 6'7", which means her primary weapon in the game is just spreading her lanky ass arms out and preventing the opposing jammer from legally passing. She's also great at whips, so you can use her for a boost when necessary, " Jade explained.

"I hate the word lanky." Oya pouted.

"Yeah, that's exactly why I use it." Jade pushed Oya away lightly, sending her skating backward, and then motioned to the second woman Tori didn't recognize.

Her light brown hair was cropped along her chin, and her warm eyes almost matched her hair perfectly. She was built like a professional weightlifter. And not those fake, oiled up, muscley dudes that hung around by the LA beaches, but the authentic, Olympic level weightlifters. The ones that actually understood fat is intended to protect muscle. This woman actually kind of reminded Tori of that famous female Olympian, Sarah Robles. 

"Jo is literally the best in the business at hip and shoulder checks and driving people off the track." Jade bragged. "One of these upcoming practices I'm going to have you work with her, see if you can withstand her hip checks."

"Are you sure? I feel like I'll break her. No offense, Tori." Jo chuckled.

"Hey! I'm tougher than I look!" Tori replied indignantly. "I can take a hit."

"It's true, Jo. Didn't you hear she took out an old lady in Central park?" Jade smirked.

"Alright, shut up." Tori scoffed. "That was an accident!"

"Eh, we've all taken out an old lady or two in our time. Don't worry about it." Jo smiled, and Tori couldn't help but smile back, even if she suspected Jo was poking fun at her, her smile was warm and friendly and too infectious not to return.

"What's your skate name?" Tori asked, looking to learn more about Jo. 

"None 'a 'jo business." Jo shot back.

Tori stuttered in surprise at her sudden hostility. "Wha- I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"No, no." Jo laughed, shaking her head. "That's my skating persona. None' a Jo Business." She explained, another teasing smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"Oh!" Tori chuckled. "Oh man, for a minute there, I thought I said something wrong." 

"Alright, if you ladies are through flirting-" Jade sighed dramatically.

Tori started to defend herself. "I wasn't-"

Jade ignored her protests and pulled Mia up next to her. "Finally, your third blocker is Mia. You obviously know her off the track, but on the track, she is your kinda wildcard blocker. And she can be your greatest asset. She's good at being in the right place at the right time when other blockers don't expect her."

"Thanks, Jade." Mia smiled.

"Although I'm not sure if she actually has a strategy to be in the right place, or if she's just so random, she just ends up there," Jade added.

"And she's back." Mia clicked her tongue.

"So, Tori." Jade continued. "These three will be on the track the most often with you. And then there's me, of course. As the pivot, I'm calling the shots, making sure people are where they should be, and trying to predict the other team's strategy, and mold ours to outsmart them."

Tori nodded, absorbing all the information and smiling at the women around her.

"We're practicing in full today," Jade added. "Complete jams. You remember all the signals for our plays?"

"Oh, god, I hope so." Tori gulped.

"Great." Jade sighed. "I'm so glad I'm putting all my confidence in you." Jade turned and skated towards the center of the rink.

"Don't worry. Jade always goes a little hard on the newbies." Oya comforted. "Especially since you're coming in as a jammer."

Tori bit her lip as she tried to remember all the signals for different plays. "I think I've just forgotten everything I know about roller derby."

Jo let out a soft laugh. "Don't worry. We're your team. We got your back. Just do what feels natural, follow your instinct. We'll play off that."

"You're a good skater, Tori. You can do this." Mia assured.

"When in doubt, fake it till you make it." Oya supplied, earning a light, nervous laugh from Tori.

"Alright, then. Let's do this." Tori smiled.

"That's the spirit!" Mia clapped her on the back, sending Tori sprawling into Jo, who had to grab her arm to help Tori regain her balance.

"Sorry." Mia apologized. "I got excited."

"Micah, Marlene, Cassie, Dee, and Cat," Jade called from the center of the rink. "You'll make up team 2. India, you'll referee this. Everyone get warmed up and be at your starting positions in five."

Tori stayed close to Mia and her blockers, stretching out with them. 

The five minutes passed quickly, and before she knew it, Tori was standing behind the jammer line beside Micah, who would be the opposing team's jammer.

Tori looked out in front of her at the track as the blockers got into position. Jade was on the pivot line, next to the opposing pivot, Cassie, and they both were facing Tori from about 30 meters away.

"Everyone ready?" India called from the center rink. She began bringing the whistle to her mouth, and Tori caught sight of Jade.

Jade was holding her left shoulder with her right hand crossed over her chest. 

A wall play. Tori remembered the signal. This meant the three blockers would all be attempting to form a sort of wall around the opposing jammer, in this case, Micah. This would mean Tori most likely wouldn't have to worry about Micah becoming the lead jammer and scoring points. Still, Tori would be left almost entirely on her own to get past the opposing blockers. Only Jade would be free to help her through the pack. 

Roller derby was all about balance. Unlike many other sports, where there is generally a clear divide between offense and defense, all derby players are working on both offense and defense simultaneously. Even Tori, as a jammer and the main offensive player who could score points, constantly had to worry about defending herself and making sure the other jammer didn't pass her.

A short whistle blast from India signaling the beginning of the jam forced Tori to focus. She kicked off the jammer line and began propelling herself forward.

Oya, Mia, and Jo, also noting Jade's signal, focused their efforts on forming a wall Micah could not pass, while letting Tori pass.

Immediately after passing her own blockers, Tori became aware that she would have to pass the next two opposing blockers on her own. Jade was still about 15 feet ahead, trying to keep the other two opposing blockers from Tori. 

Tori noted the position of two opposing blockers obviously gunning for Tori. They were attempting to herd her to the inside boundary of the track, trying to push Tori out of bounds. If they managed to push her out, Tori would have to get back in bounds at the same place she fell out, which would slow down her momentum, and Tori couldn't afford that. 

There was about a foot of space between the inside boundary line and the innermost blocker. Tori decided on a strategy.

She faked like she was going to skate in between the little space between blockers. This made both blockers lean towards one another, giving Tori space to dodge them at the last second and glide around them along the inside boundary of the track.

Once past them, Tori spotted Jade boxing out the other team's pivot, keeping them away, and that left only one blocker for Tori to get past. 

She recognized the red velvet hair tied into a ponytail almost immediately as belonging to Cat. Tori had noticed Cat's skill as a blocker in their previous practices together. Cat was small, low to the ground, meaning her center of gravity was low, she was hard to knock over, and harder to pass because she was quick on her feet. Tori's best shot at passing her was being quicker. 

Tori sped up and prepared to fight for the position of the lead jammer. 

Cat certainly didn't go down without a fight. She stayed on Tori and kept up with her every move, every time Tori would attempt to pass, Cat would be there to stop her. But eventually, Tori spotted an opening when Cat leaned just a bit too far back to block her. Tori was able to step over one of Cat's outstretched legs and jump over her, surprising Cat just long enough to knock her off balance. 

The track in front of her was wide open now, and Tori took advantage immediately. She flew around the track, ready to earn points for her team. 

It was the first time in a long time that Tori had gotten to play a full jam, and she was high off the adrenaline coursing through her veins at the moment. 

She raced around the track so fast that it felt only seconds had passed before she was within the pack again. 

The wall play had dissipated, meaning Tori's team of blockers could focus their attention on the opposing blockers and help Tori pass through the pack more easily. 

One. Two. Three. Four opposing blockers she passed, and Tori smiled for each point gained. 

Again she raced her way around the track, but before she could lap anyone, India blew four short whistles to signal to everyone two minutes had passed, and the jam ended. 

Tori slowed to a stop and put her hands on her knees, catching her breath. 

"Skate like that on Saturday, and we may actually have a shot at winning this game." Jade's familiar voice called as she skated up to Tori. 

Tori looked up, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. "I'll do my best."

"See if you can get through faster this time. I'll call different plays, see if you remember the rest of the signals." Jade turned to the rest of the team. "Everyone, line up, we're taking it from the top!"

A few mumbles and groans came from the girls, but regardless, everyone moved into their starting positions again. 

Tori smiled as she skated back to the jammer line. It felt good to compete again.


	9. Initiation

Friday morning's practice came and went quickly. Tori was cooling down after another two hours of running plays when Jade skated up to her.

"Hey. You busy tonight?" 

Tori thought for a moment. "Uh, well, I was thinking about maybe-"

Jade cut Tori off quickly. "Let me rephrase. Don't be busy tonight." 

"Um." Tori pursed her lips. "Can I ask why?"

"No." Jade retorted. "But, I would strongly suggest being fully dressed and in your apartment at around 7 pm tonight."

"Dressed in what?"

"Anything but your bath towel, really. Don't make that mistake again."

"Okay, that was not my fault you arrived-"

"Right on time? Yeah, sorry about that. People hate punctuality."

Tori let out a melodramatic sigh. "Okay, you know what-"

"I'm not looking for excuses, Tori." Jade cut her off again. "Be ready to go at 7."

"Be ready to go where? I need details!"

"Well, you're not getting any. Tough tooties." Jade began to skate away.

"Tough tooties? Jade!" Tori called after her retreating form. "Jade! Come back, tell me-"

But Jade disappeared over the rink wall.

"And, she's gone." Tori sighed. "Great."

"Dress casual." A soft voice whispered behind her.

Tori turned and saw Cat looking in her direction, smiling. 

"Casual?" Tori turned to face the redhead.

"I shouldn't have said that." Cat suddenly paled, stood up, and took off running away from Tori.

"What is going on?" 

Tori was left to wonder for the rest of the day. By 6:45 pm, she was standing in front of her closet, trying to pick out an outfit for whatever 7pm would bring. 

Knowing she was short on time, she quickly settled on the first outfit she could put together: a pair of high-waisted, light blue jeans, her most comfortable pair of black ballet flats, and a plain black spaghetti strap crop top. 

She was just clasping a simple gold necklace around her neck when there was a knock at her apartment door. She glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand and noted it read exactly 7:00 pm. 

Tori rushed to open the door, curious to finally see what this night entailed for her. When she threw the door open, it was not just Jade and Cat standing on the other side, but the entire Meanhattan Roller Derby team.

"Hi- everyone." Tori struggled to keep a straight, unconcerned face.

"Hello." Jade smiled as she pulled a piece of black cloth from her pocket. "Turn around."

"What?"

Before she could ask any more questions, Jade had spun her around and thrown the black cloth around her eyes, tying it around her head as a makeshift blindfold.

"Oh, okay, so tonight is the night I'm murdered. Good to know." Tori 

"Jo, Cassie, grab her arms." Tori heard Jade say. 

Tori was suddenly suspended in the air, each of her arms grasped by Jo and Cassie.

"Alright, team, let's go." 

Tori could tell by her tone that Jade enjoyed Tori's surprise and slight discomfort immensely.

She became aware that they were moving, Cassie and Jo holding her tight by the arms and keeping her up. 

The crisp Autumn breeze hit her face, and Tori knew they were outside. As for where they were going, Tori could only guess. She was completely helpless at this point, subject to the whims of a team of roller derby girls.

It was probably a strange sight for anyone on the sidewalk at this moment—a group of 14 athletic looking women carrying one blindfolded woman down the streets of New York. 

She had a glimmer of hope for a second that maybe this would be such a concerning sight that some kind stranger might take mercy on her and make an attempt to stop the girls, but then she remembered that this was New York City. People would not even give them a second glance. 

It seemed like only a few minutes passed before Tori felt the ground under her feet again. And then her arms were being released, and her blindfold was taken off.

Tori blinked for a few seconds, taking in her surroundings. Her head tilted when she realized, "This is just the diner on the corner of my street."

"Good observation skills, Tori." Jade teased.

"What are we- why are we here?"

"Team tradition," Jade replied. "We always have a team dinner here the night before a game. You know, to carbo-load together."

"And I had to be blindfolded, why?"

"Team tradition. Our own little innocent way of hazing newbies." 

"Innocent? I thought you were all going to murder me together! Or that maybe the skating thing was just a front for some sort of underground fight club, and you were all going to initiate me into it by having me fight you all one-on-one."

"Wow. Okay. Glad to know you think so highly of us." Oya laughed.

"Yeah, jeez Tori, is that really what you think of us?" Jo added.

"Well," Mia conceded. "To be fair, I thought the same thing when I was being initiated. You're just lucky the diner is down the street from your place. They had me blindfolded on the D train all the way from my apartment in Brooklyn."

"Okay, yeah, you had it worse." Tori blinked. 

"Well, all that matters is we are here now, and it is time to eat," Jade interrupted.

There was a murmur of assent as the girls began filing into the diner.

"Sorry if we scared you." Jade smiled as she walked with Tori inside the diner.

"Are you actually sorry?" Tori challenged her. 

"Mm, no, not really. It was hilarious to watch." 

"Oh yeah, I'm laughing really hard on the inside."

Jade just grinned as the girls were led by a waiter to a table in the back.

A tall, slim man with sandy blonde hair came up to the table when they were all settled. "The usual?" He barely looked up from his notepad.

"Tori, you don't have any dietary restrictions, right?" Jade looked over at her.

"Nope." Tori shook her head.

"Allergies?"

"Not that I know of."

"Perfect." Jade turned to the blonde man waiting on them. "Then Jean, we'll have the usual pre-game order for us except substitute one order of the fettuccini Alfredo with the Newbie Special."

Jean smiled and looked around at the table, finally spotting Tori. "Ah, fresh meat?"

"Yes, that would be me. I'm Tori." 

"Hi, Tori. Good luck." He walked off suddenly.

"Good luck with what?" She called after him but got no response.

She got her answer in about twenty minutes when the food came.

The "Newbie Special" was apparently a quarter-pound hamburger topped with fried chicken, applewood bacon, onion rings, white cheddar, and a special mustard sauce. There was also a plate of fries that honestly could have qualified as a meal in of itself, as the dish was probably twice the width of Tori's face and stacked ridiculously high.

"There's no way I can eat all of this." Tori stared at the abomination before her.

"You have to." Jade looked at her expectantly. "Another one of our initiation rituals. Plus, you need the energy for tomorrow's game. So we'll sit here and wait for you to finish this. As long as it takes." 

Tori just looked around at the table, hoping just one of her teammates would bail her out of this. They all became immediately interested in their own plates.

————

"I'm actually going to throw up." Tori groaned as she took the last bite of her fries.

"I'm impressed, Tori." Jade commended. "Very few initiates have been able to actually finish the Newbie Special." 

"What do you mean very few? I thought this was a requirement? An initiation ritual?"

"Yeah, but it is really only to see how much you will actually eat. You would have been initiated regardless of how much you ate." Jade explained.

"You couldn't have told me that like 27 fries ago?" Tori slouched in her seat.

"Well, I just wanted to see if you could do it honestly," Jade revealed.

"It was really impressive to watch." Mia nodded.

"You!" Tori looked at Mia. "You knew! You could have told me!"

Mia shook her head gravely. "I took an oath."

"There's an oath?" Tori almost screeched. "Are you sure you guys aren't a secret fight club?"

"Here, we'll make it up to you." Jade slapped her on the back, making Tori lurch forward, and her stomach churn.

Jade nodded in India's direction, and India lit up as she grabbed some pink cloth from her bag. "Your uniform, Sapphoe." India bowed playfully as she handed the shirt to Tori.

Immediately Tori's face changed from a grimace to a grin. "I get a uniform?"

"Well, yeah. We don't skate naked!" Cat laughed at her own joke.

Tori unfolded the garment to get a better look at the uniform. It was a hot pink sleeveless spandex jersey with black stripes along the sides. The fit was similar to tops track runners wear to eliminate wind resistance. On the front was the face of the Manhattan mascot, a black pitbull, and the team's name. On the back was Tori's new name in bold black letters, and beneath that was the number she and India had discussed would be hers for derby: 917.

"What does your number mean?" Cat leaned in towards her with a bright, inquisitive smile.

"It's the day I moved to the city, September 17th", Tori explained.

"And it's also one of New York City's area codes!" India added. "I thought that was a cool coincidence."

The rest of the night was spent exchanging backstories and reasonings behind derby names and numbers until eventually, Jade reminded them all of their impending game and the need for everyone to get a good night's sleep. 

Since Cat and Jade lived close to her, they walked Tori back to her apartment.

Tori said her goodbyes and trudged up the front steps to her apartment, feeling sluggish after all that diner food. 

"Make sure you have a toilet plunger at the ready," Jade called as she continued to walk back to her own place with Cat.

"Jeez, you're crude," Tori yelled back, turning her key in the lock.

"I'm just honest." Jade shot back. 

"Really, though," Cat added, "the fries will go right through you."

Tori scrunched her nose. "Then why did you guys just sit back and watch as I hate hundreds of them?"

"Me, personally?" Jade shrugged. "I wanted to see how far we could get you to go."

"Sadist." Tori rolled her eyes and waved them off.

—————

The next morning was a bit of a blur for Tori. She was high on the adrenaline already pumping through her veins, preparing her for today's game. She felt lucky that the first game she'd play for the Meanhattan team would be at their home rink, so Tori wouldn't have to worry about adjusting to a new environment or floor.

She practically floated to the ninth avenue rink in her new jersey and a pair of knee-length black spandex she had just bought on a shopping spree with India. Although after last night's meal, the spandex did feel noticeably tighter around her belly.

She absorbed the hustle and bustle of the rink on a game day. It felt a lot like the subway platform in the mornings on the way to work. Everyone rushing around, getting ready for the game.

Tori prepared by putting on her knee and elbow pads and lacing up her skates. She was stretching on the floor with Cat and Mia when a woman from the Brooklyn Beaters derby team approached them. 

"Hey, you're- Tori, right?" The woman bent down and looked at Tori.

"Um, yes, that's me." Tori chuckled, standing up to face the woman. "Sorry, have we met?"

"I was there at-"The woman paused, her voice lowering, softening to take on a more serious tone. "I was friends with- I knew Hannah in high school."

Tori thought she felt her heart stop.

"I was so sorry to hear-"The woman struggled to find her words. "The funeral was- it was a beautiful ceremony. I'm so- so sorry. She was a great person. The photos she would post of the two of you- for what it's worth, she seemed really happy."

Tori just blinked rapidly, nodding and trying her best to stay standing upright.

"I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear any of this from a complete stranger." The woman fumbled. "I saw you, and I just recognized you from the- I probably should not have said anything, I'm sorry-"

"Gemma! Come on, you need to warm up!" A voice called from behind the woman.

"That's uh- that's my cue." Gemma backed away slowly. "It was nice, uh- seeing you again, Tori."

Tori swallowed and just tried to put on her best fake smile, moving to sit down again and stretch with Cat and Mia. 

"Tori?" Cat seemed to have noticed the shift in Tori's mood. "Did you know that woman?"

"I, uh- she-"Tori swallowed hard. "She knew my fiancé." Tori shook her head at the term. "My ex-fiancé, I guess? Is there a specific term for it if they die while you're engaged?"

Cats eyebrows scrunched in sympathy. "I don't know."

"Me either." Tori laughed lightly. "I guess it doesn't happen often enough for there to be a term for that."

Cat quietly watched as Tori tightened the laces of her skates again.

"Tori?" Mia started. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Tori didn't look up or make eye contact, focusing instead on further stretching out her hamstrings.

Cat and Mia exchanged a worried glance over her head.

———

Mia pulled Jade aside before the game began. 

"Hey, keep an eye out for Tori today."

"Why?" Jade's brows furrowed. "What happened?"

"Apparently one of the girls on the other team-"Mia sighed. "Look, I'm only going to tell you this because I am worried about Tori right now, even if it's a slight breach of her confidence if I tell you."

Jade's face dropped. "What's going on, Mia?"

"In February of this year, Tori's fiancé died very suddenly," Mia whispered, trying not to let anyone hear what she was saying but Jade. "That's the thing I felt I couldn't tell you when we were first trying to convince her to join the team."

Jade glanced over Mia's shoulder to watch Tori skating towards the jammer line.

"Hannah- her fiancé was also a derby player, so there can be a lot of-" Mia struggled to find the right words. "Overlap in the community, as you know."

Jade nodded for her to continue.

"Apparently one of the blockers on the Brooklyn Beaters knew Hannah, and approached Tori about her-"

"Which one approached her?" Jade seethed.

"She wasn't trying to bait her or mess with her Jade, I think she was just trying to give her condolences, but-"

"Now, Tori is distracted." Jade finished.

"I think so," Mia affirmed.

"Okay." Jade fiddled with her helmet cover for a minute before making a plan of action. "We'll play this by ear. Keep an eye on her, make sure she's okay. If she looks like she's gonna break, or hurt herself, or someone else, I'll sub her out."

"Thanks, Jade." Mia smiled softly and then turned to skate to her starting position.

"Yeah, no problem," Jade muttered as she too got into position.

———

The first fifteen minutes of the game were an absolute disaster. 

Not only was Tori skating recklessly, but Mia and Jade were so busy watching Tori and checking on her that the Brooklyn jammer was able to get through their defenses often. So often that the Brooklyn Beaters gained 16 points over the Manhattan Derby Girls in just those first fifteen minutes

Jade called a timeout at the fifteen-minute mark to reassess their strategy for this game. Tori was obviously bent out of shape by whatever that opposing blocker had said. The rest of the team was confused as to why their star jammer was suddenly fumbling around the track. And Jade herself couldn't concentrate when she was worrying about Tori.

"Tori," Jade called. "Come here."

Tori turned and looked at her, and Jade could tell how close she was to breaking. Her eyes were sullen and watery, her form was slouched over, and her hands shook slightly.

When Tori was in front of her, Jade put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Tori, I have to take you out of the game."

"No, I can do this," Tori argued. "I know I'm off to a rough start, but I can turn this around, I-"

"You're distracted." Jade cut her off. "You're skating like you did that one practice, where you skidded right into the wall-"

"I can do this!" Tori sputtered out, her voice cracking and a few tears running down her cheeks. "I have to do this."

"Tori, if you keep skating like that, you're going to get yourself, and the team slaughtered. Sit down." Jade pushed her lightly, so she sat on the team bench. "Micah, Janelle, go in for us."

"What, Jade, I can't-"Micah stuttered. "I can't score any points against Brooklyn's blockers."

"Then we focus on our defense right now." Jade retorted. "Janelle, you call it."

Janelle nodded and called for the rest of the team going back in the game to huddle up. 

Meanwhile, Jade grabbed Tori's wrist and pulled her up from the bench and into the nearby bathroom. 

"Leave!" Jade shouted at the girls chatting by the sink. They scattered like cockroaches in light and fled from the room. Jade locked the bathroom door behind them and then pulled Tori over to the sink. "Sit." She pointed to the counter.

"I'm fine, Jade, I don't need to sit-"

"I said, sit!"

Tori rolled her eyes and sniffled but hopped back onto the counter so she was sitting facing the bathroom's interior.

Jade moved to stand in front of her, hands on either side of Tori's thighs on the counter. She waited until Tori looked up and made eye contact with her.

"Look, Tori." Jade began. "You have two completely valid options here. One, you can deal with your feelings now, take off your skates, go home, and recover. It's a totally valid option that I won't get mad at you for taking." Jade explained. 

"I don't wanna-"

"I'm not finished." Jade interrupted. "Or, two, you forget everything that is going on in your head right now, just for the next half of the game. For thirty minutes you forget any and all distractions, you go out there and skate and try to win us this game."

Tori didn't hesitate to respond. "I choose the second one."

"No, Tori, you don't just get to say you choose the second option." Jade shook her head. "You have to really commit. And if you do commit, really commit, to the second option, I promise I will kick your ass all the way around the track for the next half an hour, pushing you so hard you literally cannot do anything but skate." 

Jade paused and grabbed Tori's face between her hands, forcing her to look at her. "But can you handle that? That is what I am asking. Can you handle it? Or are you too far gone?"

Tori took a moment to respond, just looking into Jade's eyes, contemplating whether she could push everything but her knowledge of roller derby out of her head for 30 minutes. 

"I can do this." She resolved. "I have to do this. For me. And for you." Tori blushed, then backtracked. "For- for the team, I mean, of course."

"Okay then." Jade released her hold on Tori's face and stepped back, giving her room. "I'm giving you 60 seconds." 

Jade looked at her watch and then at Tori. "You have 60 seconds to pull yourself together before I start the ass-kicking."

Tori nodded. She hopped off the sink, turning to face the mirror. She unstrapped her helmet and splashed cold water on her face. She focused on her breathing, on shutting out everything but skating, compartmentalizing her emotions, pushing them to the back burner for now.

"Okay." Tori turned to Jade. "Kick my ass."

Jade smirked.

————

In the final half of the game, it was like Tori had literally flipped a switch. She played almost like a robot on auto-pilot, but not in a dangerous way.

With Jade keeping Tori on her game at every turn, and with Tori focused, they actually managed to catch up to Brooklyn. With 11 seconds left in the game, Manhattan was down by only one point.

Tori had just lapped two of the opposing blockers. If she could pass just one more in the next 11 seconds, she'd tie up the game, earning them at least a shot at winning in overtime.

Jade focused on keeping the Brooklyn jammer from scoring. However, she was still able to witness Tori skate forward with so much force that when she encountered the block set up for her by two Brooklyn blockers, she literally flipped over them, landing on her feet on the other side and skating away quickly.

The buzzer rang that signified the end of the game, and Tori skidded to a stop.

"Tori! How the hell did you-" Jade laughed as she skated towards her.

Tori looked a bit dazed, as if she had even surprised herself. "I don't know, one minute I was just skating towards the blockers, the next I was somehow on the other side."

"That was incredible!" Jade exclaimed as she excitedly collided with Tori. 

"Thank you." Tori murmured into the hug. She didn't let go even as she felt tears fall down her cheeks. "Thank you." Tori sniffed. 

Within a matter of seconds, she was crying loudly into Jade's shoulder. Jade didn't release her hold, didn't tear away, but instead held her tighter and rubbed soothing circles into her back. 

"Is she okay?" Oya murmured. "Did you hurt yourself, Tori?"

"She's just had an eventful day," Mia cut in. "Jade, could you-"

"I'm on it," Jade assured. Jade began to lead Tori off the rink, slowly as Tori couldn't see through the blinding hot tears. She led her off the rink and through a door to a set of stairs. Jade had to almost carry Tori up the steps, as now her crying had evolved into flat out uncontrollable sobbing. 

The stairs led up to Jade's apartment. She led Tori inside and to the living room, where she sat her on a red velvet couch. As Tori continued to cry, Jade unlaced Tori's skates and unstrapped her helmet. 

When she was done, Jade sat beside her and didn't complain when Tori laid her head down on her lap, continuing to sob her heart out. 

——

Jade just let Tori cry as she stroked her hair softly. It was the only thing she could really think to do.

An hour passed, and Cat came through the door. She quietly snuck by them, throwing a look of sympathy in Tori's direction before closing herself in her room, in an attempt to give them privacy.

The sobbing faded into soft crying eventually, which then faded into just the occasional sniffle. 

Tori eventually regained control over her tears and sat up slowly. Her face was red and swollen, but she at least seemed calmer now.

"Sorry." Tori sniffed, wiping at her eyes.

"Don't apologize. You made it the 30 minutes. That was the deal."

Tori let out a shaky breath.

"Come on." Jade stood up suddenly.

Tori blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Come on." Jade grabbed her hand and began leading her to her bedroom. "We're going to get you cleaned up, and you can sleep here tonight. I invested in a queen bed last month. There's plenty of room."

"Are you sure?" Tori let herself be dragged but hesitated. 

"I'm sure. I'm not letting you be by yourself tonight."

"Your boyfriend won't mind?" 

"He doesn't get to mind." Jade scoffed. "I'm helping a friend."

"We're friends now?" Tori sniffed.

"Yeah, I guess we can be friends now."

Tori brightened visibly.

"But, you are going to shower before you get into my bed." Jade looked Tori up and down. "You're sweaty, and your face is all red and swollen and gross."

Tori pouted. "Wow, Jade, you're making me blush over here."

Jade ignored her as she walked to her closet and went digging through for some pajamas for Tori. She settled on an XL white t-shirt, black cotton pajama bottoms, and a pair of clean underwear, and handed the clothes to Tori.

"Oh my god, is this a Vampire Weekend shirt?" Tori recognized the logo. "I love them."

Jade nodded her affirmation. "I saw them in concert once. They actually did a free concert in Central Park once, I guess as a homage to the city since they are from here and all."

"Vampire Weekend is out of NYC?"

"Yeah, duh." Jade snorted at her question.

"Huh, I never knew." 

"Fake fan."

"Shut up." Tori laughed.

"Go take a shower before you smell up my entire apartment." Jade ushered her in the right direction. "Bathroom's on the opposite end near the living room."

"Okay. Thanks, Jade."

"Don't mention it."

After Tori returned, showered and fresh, Jade took her own shower and changed into her pajamas. When she exited the bathroom, she spotted Tori looking around the living room.

"Okay, don't take offense to this or anything, but-" Tori motioned at the apartment. "How do you afford this place? I mean, this has got some serious square footage, and we're on the upper west side."

"That would be Lenny."

"Lenny?"

"He owns the rink. Has owned the rink since the '60s, and his father owned it before him. The money this place earned in the '70's alone during the disco craze was enough to set him up for life. The maintenance of this place is exorbitant, but he doesn't have to pay any rent on the property. It also helps that Lenny is probably one of the best readers of the stock market out there." Jade paused for effect. "He was actually one of the original investors in Amazon."

"Amazon?" Tori sputtered. "The company Amazon?"

"No, the Amazon rainforest, Tori. What do you think?"

"He is one of the original- how?"

"Lenny says he was blessed with a very intuitive gut. He takes chances at the right time, with the right people."

Tori scoffed in disbelief. "No kidding."

"Yeah, he's somewhere in the Caribbean currently. I think on his own island, last time he wrote to me." Jade poured her and Tori each a glass of water from the kitchen. "He was best friends with my Grandpa throughout grade school and beyond, and Lenny never had kids of his own so- he looks out for me. I'm kinda his unofficial granddaughter. He left me in charge of the rink and gave me the apartment above after I graduated from NYU, on the condition that I also kept writing."

"You write?"

Jade nodded. "I double-majored in English and American Literature and Dramatic Writing at NYU. It would be hard not to write."

"But you still write in like, a non-academic setting?" Tori pushed.

"Yeah." Jade walked back towards her bedroom, and Tori followed. 

She continued, "Outside of schoolwork, I've written a few screenplays, a novel, a shit ton of poems."

"Anything I might have heard of?"

"No way." Jade placed her water on her nightstand and then collapsed dramatically on the right side of her bed. "I never publish or sell my work. Or share it. No one reads it. Except for professors when they had to."

"Why?" Tori mirrored her actions and settled on the left side of the bed. "I'm sure they're good."

Jade shrugged. "Maybe."

"Could I read something of yours?"

"Maybe."

"Please?" Tori begged.

"I said maybe."

"I don't trust your 'maybe'. I need a yes or no."

"Okay." Jade took a dramatic breath in and out. "No."

"What? Why?" 

"Cause you're one of those people who'll push me to publish what I write," Jade answered matter-of-factly.

"What's wrong with publishing?"

"My writing is-" Jade paused, "personal. I don't like to share it."

Tori nodded. "Okay. But can I read it?"

"Maybe. If we get closer."

Tori laughed. "You said we were friends just a minute ago! And I literally snotted all over you today and cried in your lap for over an hour. How much closer can we get?"

Jade snorted. "Fair point."

"So, I can read your stuff?"

"No." 

"Why not?" Tori whined.

"Has anyone ever told you you are extremely pushy." Jade rolled her eyes as she got under the blankets. "And whiney."

"They are some of my many lovable traits, yes." Tori leaned over her.

"Guess your derby name should have been 'Big Whiney Baby,' then."

"Maybe." Tori shrugged, ignoring Jade's taunt. "And maybe your derby name should be 'Secretive, Aloof Hermit Whose Writing Want to Read'."

"Nah, too long, not catchy enough."

"But seriously, can I read-"

"Yes." Jade cut off her questioning.

"Really?" 

"Nope." Jade laughed. "God, you're gullible. 'Big, Gullible Whiney Baby'. Perfect. I'll have India change your jersey tomorrow."

"Wait- I'm still on the team?" Tori blinked.

Jade rolled over to face her newest team member. "Tori, I never had any intention of not putting you on the team. I agreed to the two-week trial so that I could be guaranteed time to trap you into joining the team."

"It's just- I've got a lot of baggage- as you've seen today." Tori pointed out. "I'm not sure you want to take me on. I could be your greatest challenge as a derby captain yet."

"We've all got baggage, Vega." Jade shrugged. "Trust me. It might actually be a prerequisite for roller derby. Or maybe its just correlation. Either way, we've all got trauma."

Tori absorbed her words as she moved to join Jade under the covers.

"Besides," Jade added, "I love a good challenge."


	10. The Notorious Green Eyed Monster

Jade woke up to a persistent poking in her side. She wrenched her eyes open slowly and was greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing over her with an amused yet suspicious look on his face as he poked her awake.

Jade turned to look beside her and realized why he looked at her so funny.

Tori was sprawled across the other side of Jade's bed. Despite the profound amount of space the queen bed offered compared to her previous mattresses, Tori certainly took up an ample amount of that space. Not to mention she was also taking up a decent amount of Jade's side, with her arm loosely draped over Jade's stomach, and her ankle hooked around Jade's own.

Beck motioned for Jade to follow him out of the bedroom, so she untangled herself from Tori and followed him into the kitchen.

He moved to start brewing a pot of coffee, and didn't make eye contact with her when he accused, "So, the game went well, I suppose?"

"At first, no, but I helped Tori pull it together, and we took Brooklyn down in the end," Jade replied, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Yeah, you really helped her pull it together, apparently." Beck raised his eyebrows at her as he turned away from the coffee pot.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jade squinted at him.

"No, nothing." Beck shrugged. "Did you motivate her by telling her she could sleep with you, or-"

"Jesus Christ, Beck. Is that what you think she was doing here? We were completely clothed. It was innocent."

"Right. Cause you don't have a thing for her or anything."

Jade rolled her eyes at his childishness. "Beck, you're being ridiculous. You have no reason to be upset, I was helping a friend."

"So, when I even looked at Alyssa Vaughn, you'd freak out at me, accuse me of cheating, and threaten to break up with me, but I find you in bed tangled up with your celebrity crush who you had a sexy poster of for like two years, and I don't get to be a little upset?"

"First of all, it was an athletic poster, it wasn't like a pinup or anything." Jade defended. "Second, she was crying her eyes out last night, Beck. She's going through a lot right now, and she's my friend. I wasn't going to send her home as she was, upset and broken and alone."

"Okay, well, even if that is the full truth, which I find hard to believe, you have to admit you're a bit of a hypocrite."

"How so?" Jade bit.

"Alyssa and I were just friends, never slept together even in a friendly way, and yet I seem to recall you throwing me out of the apartment when I told you she and I had gone out for a celebratory dinner together one time."

"That was different, Beck."

"How?"

Jade sighed. "Because Alyssa Vaughn actually liked you. The flirty looks she'd give you, all the touching- she liked you."

"And Tori doesn't like you?"

"No." Jade scoffed. "At least not as more than a friend. And we are barely even friends. We have known each other for two weeks."

"You seem awfully close, especially for only knowing each other two weeks." Beck countered.

"Well, we are also teammates. We have a lot in common, and we spend a lot of time together, close to two sometimes four hours a day when I'd make her do a night practice on top of the morning one."

"Right." Beck nodded. "Still a jumó to sleep together after only two weeks."

"That was all it was, Beck. Sleep. Don't make it sound like more. Tori would never-"Jade sighed. "She'd never look at me that way."

"Why not?"

Jade was growing flustered with his line of questioning. "Cause she's- she's Tori Vega, and I'm- I'm just me."

"Jade, sometimes I think you don't realize-"Beck shook his head.

"What, what oh great and all-knowing Beck? What don't I realize?"

"Jade," He ran his fingers through his hair and laughed. "You realize you're a catch, right? You're hot. Like freakin' steamy hot. Don't act like Tori wouldn't think of you in that way."

"She-"

"Anyone-"Beck interrupted, "-would be supremely lucky to be with you. You talk like you think Tori would have to be insane to even think about you like that, but god Jade, you're smart, you're beautiful, and even if you pretend you don't, you genuinely care for people, and you're good at it too. You're- I feel pretty lucky that you are my girlfriend."

Jade blinked in surprise. "You could stand to say stuff like that more often, you know?"

Beck sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"I mean, in the eight years we've been dating, that might be the first time you've complimented me like that."

"I compliment you."

"You tell me I'm pretty, or hot sure. When I graduated, you told me I'm a genius or whatever, but honestly, Beck, say stuff like that more often. I- I need to hear stuff like that sometimes."

"I'm sorry." Beck chuckled. "I guess I just assume you already know these things."

"Doesn't mean I don't like being reassured every once in a while." 

There was a pregnant pause, and Beck looked around awkwardly for a moment before speaking up again. "Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I just ask- if Tori said she liked you, you know, as more than a friend, would you return her feelings?"

"Tori would not like me like that."

"You're avoiding my question."

"I don't know why you're asking it!" Jade yelled. "I'm with you, okay? I love you! What is with you and this thing with Tori? She's a friend, Beck. That's all."

"I'm just asking-"

"Why are you asking, Beck?"

"I don't know, I just- wanna know."

"Why?" Jade prodded.

"I don't- I don't know. You and Tori have been spending an awful lot of time together lately, and she's not- unattractive. I just- I want to make sure you are-"

"What?" Jade scoffed. "You wanted to make sure that I'm not cheating on you? No, Beck, I'm not like you."

"Jade-"

"This isn't like you and Jackie."

"Jade, that was one time. I made a mistake and-"

"Yeah, I've heard this story before, I don't need a repeat, thanks."

"I was just-"

"You know, I find it kind of funny." Jade crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm just at this moment realizing it, but you only really get insecure when there is a potential of me being attracted to another woman."

"What?"

"You never get jealous really when a guy hits on me at a bar or catcalls me on the streets, but the minute I get somewhat close to a woman, you ask all these questions and suddenly become the concerned, overprotective boyfriend."

"What are you saying, Jade."

"I don't know. What am I saying, Beck?" Jade countered. "I am simply pointing out the suspicious, but only you know the reason why."

"Why what?"

"Why are you so insecure about my bisexuality?"

"I'm not insecure about anything, Jade." Beck spat.

The couple stared at one another for a long moment before Jade spoke up again. "This conversation isn't going anywhere, Beck. Not anywhere productive, at least. It's 6 in the morning, and you woke me up and-" Jade rubbed the bridge of her nose between her fingers. "Maybe you should go, Beck."

"I don't want to leave when you're still angry."

"I'm not angry." Jade released a long exhale. "I'm just- tired." Jade began ushering him towards the door. "I want to go back to sleep."

"Right. Back with Tori."

Jade didn't grace him with a reply. 

"Can we at least talk later?" Beck asked as he crossed the threshold of the front door.

"I don't know." Jade sighed. "Maybe if I'm in a better mood."

Beck nodded slowly. "Okay." He leaned down to kiss her, but Jade presented her cheek at the last second. Beck straightened himself and said, "Bye, Jade." 

"Yeah," Jade moved to close the door, "bye."

She locked the door behind him and then began to trudge back to her bedroom. She tried to open the door as quietly as possible, but realized that Tori was already sitting up awake as soon as the door was open wide enough.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Hey." Jade moved to sit back against the pillows. "So how much did you hear?"

Tori pursed her lips. "Not much."

"Uh Huh." Jade sighed and leaned further back.

"Sorry if I caused a fight." Tori apologized.

"You didn't," Jade assures her. "We were discussing very old wounds."

"I feel like I heard my name a few times."

"Beck was just- he's," Jade groaned. "I don't even know sometimes. I've known him probably longer than anybody in my life outside my family, but sometimes I feel I don't know him at all. The things he says and does sometimes are just- ridiculous."

"Like what?" Tori invited. 

Jade looked at her apprehensively.

"Sorry, I don't mean to pry- I'm just, trying to be a good friend, offer advice and such. Be a shoulder to cry on if need be." Tori explained.

After a minute of playing with her fingernails, Jade spoke up. "He won't admit it, but I think he is insecure about my attraction to women. I don't know why. I don't even think he knows why."

Tori nodded slowly. "I remember, when I came out my sophomore year of high school, one of my best friends told me I couldn't sleepover at her house anymore because her boyfriend said he was uncomfortable with me sleeping in the same room as her." 

"That's dumb." Jade scoffed. "Just because you like girls doesn't mean you'll sleep with every girl in sight. Or that you'll even be attracted to them in the first place."

"I think-" Tori collected her thoughts. "I think people fear the most that what they've done to others will be done to them. My friend's boyfriend cheated on her numerous times. She kept forgiving him for whatever reason. But, he was probably afraid she would cheat on him, that she would stoop as low as he had. And having me be so close to her, sleeping in the same bed and everything caused him to freak out. It's not an excuse for his behavior or anything, but I think that was why he reacted the way he did."

Jade assumed Tori must have heard her mention Jackie earlier in her fight with Beck. 

What Tori was saying made perfect sense to Jade. And it certainly would apply to her relationship with Beck. He had cheated on her in the past, it's no wonder he would be afraid of her doing the same to him, perhaps as some sort of retribution. Or maybe because he somehow had convinced himself humans were incapable of not cheating.

Beck was one of the few men Jade had been able to get close with in her 24 years of life. Jade's father certainly hadn't helped her to build a firm trust in men, but Beck somehow managed to break through the walls Jade built in her mind and her life to protect herself.

Other than Beck, however, Jade's closest confidantes and inner circle consisted entirely of- well, no other cisgender males.

Jade naturally scares off most cis-men. And Jade likes it like that. 

But, Jade began to think, maybe the strict filtering system put in place for Jade’s own relationships meant Beck wasn't truly insecure about Jade's bisexuality, but rather, because Jade has thus far only been able to form especially close bonds with people who didn't identify as cis-men, those were the only people Beck could even have insecurities about and be jealous of.

Or maybe she was just deluding herself. And maybe Beck was genuinely more concerned about her relationships with non-cis-men for some reason.

Regardless of the disturbing question of whether or not Beck was insecure about her sexuality, that jealousy of his was still something she didn’t enjoy dealing with. She knew she herself had her own issues with jealousy, but at least, she felt, her issues were well warranted.

Despite her thoughts leading her down a dark train of thought, she noticed Tori fidgeting, looking uncomfortable over on her side of the bed.

Jade thought perhaps all this relationship talk was making Tori uncomfortable. She was playing with Jade’s sheets, pinching them between her fingers and then releasing them just as quickly.

“Tori?” Jade squinted at her. “You good?”

Tori didn’t look up from the mattress, still poking at it. "What kind of mattress is this? I slept so well last night. It's so comfy."

Jade knew from her tone of voice that Tori was desperately trying to distract herself, probably from thoughts of Hannah or maybe that friend from high school.

Jade smiled as she formulated a reply sure to distract Tori. “Yeah, you really did snore like a train last night."

"I did not!" Tori jumped to her own defense.

Yep, she got her. Jade thought silently.

"You did actually.” Jade leaned her head back against her pillows. “You're lucky I grew up here in the city, so I'm used to falling asleep to loud background noise."

"My sinuses were probably all clogged from crying or something. I don't usually snore."

"Uh-huh. That's what they all say." 

Tori rolled her eyes. "Anyways, seriously, what is this mattress brand? It makes me feel like I'm being caressed by a million tiny butterflies."

"That sounds disgusting."

"It's lovely, actually. I can't even get up, it's so comfortable." Tori wiggled herself further into the mattress. 

"It's the mattress topper that's the real MVP."

"Well, give me the brand name. I'm going out to buy one today."

"Honestly, I don't remember. I just bought the one that was on sale. I was desperate because when I bought the mattress, I nearly broke my back sleeping on it the first night. It was hard as a rock." Jade recalled. "I can go with you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond sometime, and I may be able to find it again."

"Let's do it," Tori piped up. "You doing anything today?"

"After I get a few more hours of sleep? Nope, I'm free."

"I could honestly use a few more hours too." 

"Good thing we are real close to a comfortable bed then.” Jade threw the blankets over them both and settled into her pillows.

Jade felt as Tori moved around a bit, apparently trying to get comfortable to fall asleep again, and then she heard her voice call. "Hey."

"What, Vega?" Jade's eyes were closed at this point.

"Where was your poster of me?" Tori prodded. “When you had it.”

"Shut up, Vega." Jade tried to hide the heat rushing to her cheeks. 

Tori giggled and settled back into Jade's pillows. "Was it like, on the wall over there above your desk, or maybe above your bed so you could just stare at it when you laid back or-"

"I'm trying to sleep over here."

"Just curious." Tori giggled. "Which poster was it anyways? Was it the Sports Illustrated cover I did or-"

That grabbed Jade's attention. "You did a Sports Illustrated cover?" 

Tori swallowed. "Um, no-"

"Then why did you just say-"

"I was kidding! Obviously!"

Jade squinted at her, trying to read her, see if she was lying.

"You know if you did, I'm going to find it."

Tori was silent for a long moment before she replied. "The pay was really good-"

"Oh my god!" Jade gasped.

"Roller derby was becoming kind of popular, and I had connections in LA, and-"

"Please tell me it wasn't a swimsuit issue."

Tori pursed her lips and looked away from Jade.

"Victoria Grace Vega!" Jade shouted.

"That's not my middle name."

"You did a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover? And thought it was okay not to tell me?"

"I'm not really that proud of it, wasn’t a highlight of my career or anything.”

"Well, now I've got something to hold over your head for the next game." Jade laughed. "If you're not skating fast enough, or scoring enough points, I'm gonna threaten to show everyone on the team your little magazine cover."

"God, please don't. It's embarrassing." Tori groaned. "And I don't want you looking it up, either."

"Too late, I'm already doing it." Jade reached for her phone.

"No!" Tori lunged at her but underestimated the force she used, and ended up knocking Jade off the bed. Tori went tumbling after her, landing on top of her, straddling Jade on the floor. 

Jade seemed a bit surprised, but ultimately unphased by this new position, as she began to type on her phone.

"Stop! Put the phone down! Please!" Tori screeched, reaching for the device. 

But Jade managed to slip both her legs from under Tori, hook her legs around Tori's waist and arms, and twist their positions, so Jade was now squeezing Tori, holding her still between her thighs.

"Tori Vega- Sports-" Jade read aloud as she typed.

"No!" Tori attempted to wiggle free, but Jade had her in a vice grip.

"I have the advantage here, Vega. Considering I've been nonstop training for derby for six years now. In contrast, you have only restarted your training two weeks ago."

"Jade, please don't," Tori whined. 

"Look, I can either see this now, while you are here to defend yourself and your past choices, or I can see it later when I'm alone, and I can just laugh at you and makeup all these great stories in my head as to why you decided a swimsuit cover was a good idea." Jade continued to type. 

Tori stopped struggling. "God-" She sighed in defeat, letting her head fall to the ground. "Fine."

"Great. Then let's see, shall we?" Jade pressed the search button and immediately clicked on the images tab on the Google search bar.

Her screen was flooded with images of Tori posing knee deep in clear blue ocean water wearing a white bikini with black polka dots. Her muscles gleamed in the bright natural sunlight, and her skin was practically glowing. She looked at the camera with a sly grin on her face and a sparkle in her eyes, like she was keeping the most intriguing secret in the world.

"Well." Jade cleared her throat, her grip on Tori loosening subconsciously. "You look- really good." Jade put her phone down like it was suddenly scalding.

"I just want to emphasize that I knew doing that cover was a mistake the minute the shoot ended." Tori groaned. "So embarrassing."

Jade released her hold on Tori entirely and stood up, then helped Tori get to her feet. "Honestly, the pictures are really good. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I were you."

Tori crawled, slightly defeated, back over to her side of the bed, and then watched as Jade settled back into her own side. "Thanks." 

After a beat of silence, Tori continued. "So, speaking of potentially embarrassing photoshoots I've done- which poster of mine exactly did you have?"

"Oh, god." Jade groaned. "I should have known you would bring this up again."

"I'm just curious to know which poster you liked so much you had to hang it in your room." Tori chuckled, turning in the bed to face Jade. "You kind of owe me a secret now, considering you know about my Sports Illustrated cover."

Jade hesitated, fiddling with her sheets before answering. "It was uh- one from a couple years ago. You were in a Hollywood Harpies uniform, it was an action shot of you during a game, after breaking through a wall of blockers. You had this like, huge sappy smile on your face, like you were surprised you actually got through the block. I found it in a thrift shop on the lower East side. They sell some pretty cool but random things: quirky stickers, niche posters, art by random New Yorkers, odd furniture, and then the usual thrift store clothes. I thought the poster was- inspiring. And uh, I thought you looked- cool, I guess." Jade blushed.

Tori smiled silently next to Jade, staring at her for a moment.

"What?" Jade looked at her out of the corners of her eyes.

Tori beamed. "You thought I looked cool?"

"Don't get a big head about it, Vega." Jade pulled her blankets up higher to her chin. "I thought you were cool. Past tense. Now I know you're a nerd."


End file.
